FInd Me

I won't be posting here for a while. However, you can find me HERE.

Which Side

What do I expect right? It's not my field. And if I do know something about computers, it's not enough. Oh well, I will try again. As long as you are alive, there is hope. Look at Melanie Marques, a former beauty queen that is always the butt of jokes when it comes to grammar. One of the memorable lines she has uttered is, "Don't judge me, I am not a book". Last night I heard that she graduated cum laude in Business Administration.

I still have a lot to learn and I already forgot the basics of grammar. But I am always willing to learn. My mind is still open to new things.

Guess What

I am here trying to find the definition of DSL, USB and other techie stuff because I am trying to be a technical support representative. I am just trying it out--see if it works. Hopefully I will pass it.

Anyway, yesterday was Raymond's 28th birthday and we held a party for him. It was supposed to be a simple party but it ended beautifully. He was really touched because my relatives were all there to help out with the preparation considering he was not really our "relative" yet.

Spending time at the church, hearing mass with him, preparing food and drinks, they are all sweet. I was glad the party became successful--it's all because of God's kindness and grace.

***

God is always giving me udeserved grace. And I am thankful for that. I just hope I will be always to make Him smile.

Finding Love

But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or
a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand new situation. Love can
consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We
simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If
we reject it, we die of hunger because we lack the courage stretch out a hand
and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take
love where we find it, even if that means, hours, days, weeks of disappointments
and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begimns to seek
us. And to save us.

--from By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

That part made me think. It speaks of what I've gone through for several months now.

Love is always new. As days go by, different events happen, they may be similar but not exactly the same. I've been to paradise with my past--like how high anyone can be with pure, all-out love--not afraid of getting hurt. Although it did not work out, I have to commend myself for the great love that I've given that relationship. It's in it that I have thought of (seriously) getting married. I have imagined myself being with him for the rest of my life and even through eternity...that's how great my love for him is. It's surprising that I can love that much. Maybe because it gives me great high--just like heaven. I guess that's what paradise is like.

With my relationship right now, with our situation and everything that I've gone through, I can say that I have gone through hell and back to earth. But I have to say that things are getting better for us. I could not believe that I have that kind of strength to go through with all of those. This relationship took me somewhere where I can say that I've been stronger in a just , humbled disposition.

I have questioned God a million times about this situation He had put me in. And although people will say that we have free will, we're only strong when God is with us. The truth is, we have a lot of weak spots. That is why we tend to hurt one another. We are not perfect. And as much as we always want to do the right thing, when God put you on the spot--how will you know that what you are doing is wrong. Anyway, slowly I am able to accept the new situation and allow it to shape me into someone more beautiful. Rough edges of my character still hurt my soul and those around me, and sometimes I have the urge to kick myself when I become mean and impossible. But at least I know now what I should do.

Allowing this new love in my life made me see life in different ways. Life is not anymore without hope. Possibilities are endless.

I guess it's true that we have to take love where we find it. Despite the consequences, I thought that I met him because he needed a savior. But if you look closely, he came into my life to save me from myself. There is still the consequences. But I am surrendering them all to God. I can very much say that if God let me choose between this and Him, He knows that I will gladly choose Him (God).

Going Back

I've been going on overtime for 2 working days now. Maybe, that is why I am getting sick--headache has been coming once in a while, my sore throat is still killing me. Maybe, there is just something wrong with our work style. For one, people are more relaxed during the morning like they don't have a care in the world who would fill those trays...and when manongs come to get their meds, that's when cramming starts.

Maybe, I should start talking and commanding people to do what they should do.

My Mom has been so sweet during my stay at our house. We both have sore throat, I believe she got it from me. She lets me have her oranges.

I can be a bitch anytime I want to, but for the past few days I'm choosing not to. It's always better this way.

A Little for Me

It's now the time to face what I really want to do with my life. I need a change and I am doing my part for this change to happen. As I've said yesterday that I would not push through with the interview this Monday because the employer requires slim employees, and with my bulging stomach, I don't think they'll take me in.

But then, honestly, if I can be really selfish, and if I am rich, I would have taken and tried everything to take that job.

See, the truth is I am a health buff. Really. I always imagine myself eating healthy food particularly fruits. I want to have a great body. I want to move fast. I want to be healthy.

And that company is a picture of perfect health. Their products range from medical supplements to actual healthy foods to beauty healthy products. It's a dream company. And the locations and environments are my dream places. But then I cannot really avoid reality. So I am choosing to stay with my present company.

I know a lot about carbohydrates, proteins, fats, fibers, and others. Every food I take, I almost know the composition. I am not getting any younger and the fats accumulating in my body have been harder to eradicate, so I just develop the habit of checking labels.

Anyway, I should allow myself a day to mourn over the loss of an opportunity and hope that life will still give me my dream job.

I am taking what happened as a blessing because it made me realize that I really want to be healthy and to spread knowledge about our health...sharing facts to my co-workers and friends. And that I shoiuld really live healthy, minimize on food that is harmful to my body and choose healthier snacks.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Walking at Baywalk

Should I really go for a job which requires me to be slim? I am not slim and based on experience, I need several months of starvation before I can really be slim.

Anyway, I don't think I should go for it.

***

Yesterday was a fun day. I spent it with Raymond and Malou. All we did was look around for agencies and asked questions (of course). We also did a lot of walking. We walked the different streets in Ermita ending outside Star City.

We appreciated the sunset, talked about life and love which are our all-time favorites. We ate banana cue, cakes, breads while walking along Baywalk.

I also realized that Raymond has unintentionally fixed my broken heart.

Not really in the mood to write.

Karma

Curled up in a corner, you think what you've done with your life. You think how unlucky you've been. The truth is you brought this to yourself. Filled with regrets, you tried to stand up and dust yourself off. You willingly wait for that moment that life will give you another chance. But instead of going light with your journey, because of your past, you now have a cross to carry. The only way to salvation is to embrace it, carry it, and follow God.

Sometimes your cross can be light, as if it really is weightless, other times, it's as heavy as the world. But you should never lose hope when you can't go on with your journey anymore. You have to hold on. Even if you stop for some time, just keep holding on. Before you know it, your cross will be as light as a feather.

Every action has an equal reaction. What goes around must come around.

Face the consequences. It can hurt you but if you know how to look at it, it can also build you.
Nobody is perfect. Karma goes for everyone.

My oint in this entry is that, we should never stop from living and hoping just because we are in the middle of karma. Instead, we should face it, learn from it, stand up, move on, hope for a better redeemed tomorrow.

Never stop hoping.

Never stop living.

Narra no more

My Mom sold our dining table. It's a narra table that has been with us ever since I was 6. It's very big and it wouldn't really fit our dining room and she decided to just sell it to our relatives. But I was surprised. Because she didn't inform me earlier.

Then I automatically went back to those days that that narra table was present. And those memories gave me a prick in my heart.

It's just a furniture. But it made me realize that this life can only happen once. We cannot rewind the past to change the furniture or the events that it has witnessed. Unlike people, the new furniture cannot know about the past, it can only know the present and the future. And that is what's sad.

Anyway, moving on, I am looking forward to buying new table for our dining room. :)

All Saints Day

It's been a while. Of course, I've been busy but the main reason is my lack of something to write about.

I'm glad it's already November.

Jessa, Malou, and I hang out last Monday at Rob Place Ermita, our neighbor mall. We talked about love, life, and career. It's nice to talk with them about that stuff and to have people who understands my real situation and still accept me.

I told them about gaining weight and my regrets. My hopes went up when Malou told us that according to the book she was reading that having regrets/acknowledging regret means one is near to becoming successful. I really hope so. And I am holding on to that.

My All Saints Day has been sweet. My brother, a cousin, and Raymond went to the cemetery early to set up the tents. Raymond was left there to guard the tents. I arrived and help out with the final touches. Others arrived minutes later. Then we just stayed there. Eat, talk, lie down, relax, complain about the weather--it was a hot day and the wind is our only hope to alleviate the heat embracing us.

Then it was afternoon already and the intensity of the sun died down. We roamed around the place. We saw interesting tents and mausoleums. There are tents filled with flowers, there was even a tarpaulin of the girl who died. She died at 13. We found a mausoleum with catering services for lunch. The whole package was pretty. They made it look like a wedding or some kind of a party. I was even enticed to approach the mausoleum and pretended to be a friend of the departed just so I could eat there. :)

People who visited Dad's and Lola's grave were fewer as compared last year. But I don't really mind because I celebrated All Saint's Day with the people I love. I celebrated it with my family and with him.

Anyway, to all La Sallians, please pray for Bro. Rafe. He already passed away. May he rest in peace.