Today

I am really decided to take a chance on my career again. Hopefully this time I will be successful.

Last night, while roaming the mall, I happened to stop by this stall that sell perfume imitations. Eh sobrang kaamoy siya nung gusto kong pabango...syempre I bought a bottle. It's very much cheaper. The downside is that the scent doesn't stay longer. But still, I'm glad for having the scent I love.

Next week I will be at the processing window. My officemates were teasing me about my katarayan. Goodluck to me.

I hate being criticized for being who I am.

I'm glad because I spent some time with Brent and Jhonna. Malou arrived but I wasn't able to talk with her. I will text her later.

Today is generally a happy day!

Judgement

My weekend went well. Able to attend the mass. That's good. Talked with relatives. Talked with Mom. Nanay Metring is now better.

But there's the tension that I cannot avoid any longer. Until the confrontation. It hurts to know that the people who loves you and whom you love can really hurt you.

Simple words can hurt especially when it's true and most especially when some things said may not be true.

Right now, I want my peace.

I just want to be alone.

If all good things come to an end, all bad things do, too. I can do this.

Weirdness

This week has been full of weird patients. It's a fact that hospitals are full of sick people but of course I am not really expecting to see some of the weird cases like TB, leprosy, burn victim, and the latest--gangrene.

This afternoon, there was a man in his late fifties shouting for water. I thought he was lunatic and he just escaped from ward seven (psychiatric ward). Then Maam Ana saw that the man was shouting for water because he had pooped in one of our benches. He has gangrene on both his feet and he could not walk that fast. While waiting for his medicines, maybe he felt he needed to go to the bathroom but he knew he couldn't make it and so he just pooped right then and there.

It's gross, I know but I could not help but pity him. We are lucky we are not in his situation. Instead of being mad, I felt bad because I didn't really believe that that situation is possible. Poverty, ignorance--these are the causes. One of my officemates commented that we should send the man to Malacanang--pero naman parang may magagawa yun sa lahat ng mahihirap sa mundo. Come on, self first before others. Philippine government is just corrupted to the very core. Anyway, good thing one of the philcare/utility worker helped him and gave him a pail of water. We also gave him an alcohol.

Ang lolo dun pa naghubad sa harapan ng mga tao. Dun din sa bench na iyon. In Nicole-Eala's words (DJ of Love Radio kelangan pa bang imemorize yan...) "nakakalerkei to the maximum levelecious" Then he decided to transfer to another bench after mag-poopoo. Syempre yung mga tatabihan niya sana nag-alisan. Grabecious ito!

Today is really a different afternoon. I realize again for the nth time that I really am lucky for the many blessings in my life. I may not have much of knowledge or money, but I have a family and I have someone who recently told me that I am his life...nakanang! I just hope that these patients won't infect us with whatever diseases they have. I'd rather serve than be served.

But what if you were in that difficult situation--the bible says that you should not worry. God is so powerful that His word can create every possibility. His word created the world remember? And besides, Jesus came to earth and promise us salvation. He will never forsake us. And someday, we will all be able to be with Him in heaven.

Taking Chances

I want to take a chance again. I hope this time, I'll be successful with it.

Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate them.

I have observed that me and my officemates have been eating and eating. No wonder we're all getting bigger. I just hope resources will still come pouring in.

Anyway, HAPPY FIRST ANNIVERSARY to me and Raymond!!!

Something New

Here's another layout that I have discovered through Abbie's . Anyway, things have been pretty okay with Nanay. Nothing that serious.

I am supposed to make big leaps now that I am 25. Everyone of my classmates is successful now except for me. I don't want to pity myself but I can't help it.

I just wish they hadn't given up on me. I would have passed that APEC exam if only...

Regret.

I hate it.

So What

A mother does everything to make sure that her offspring's life won't be that miserable. We owe a lot to our mothers. But the truth is, they are not really asking for anything in return but our love.

Last Saturday, we celebrated our fiesta. There were the usual stuff--almost the same food. The difference now is that there are lots of relatives who helped out. Also, Nanay Metring was there. Since Nanay is currently staying with us, we expected that more people would visit us. Fiesta has been successful.

But the next day I an unexpected thing happened to Nanay Metring. We had our lunch late already. It has been that or bilo-bilo must had been bad for her but that after lunch, she was walking inside the house towards our room and I heard her calling out my name and asking if I could carry her toward he room. I went to her and as soon as I held her, she lost consciousness. I panicked. Not knowing what to do. She was so heavy that I couldn't carry her. Ate Margie and I couldn't carry her. Good thing my brother was there to carry her. Athan's a nursing student so I left her with him while looking for the sphygmomanometer and calling Ate Chari. My relatives went there in an instant since we are just living in one compound. Her bp was fine but her blood sugar level was not. And she was speaking in an "unknown" language. It looked like she was having a delirium. They decided to bring her to the hospital. I was kinda reluctant at first but by observing her, it was odd that she was not really conscious. It looked like she did not really know what she was doing. So going to the hospital is the best thing.

Then here comes the MOST DISAPPOINTING stuff. Nobody wanted to stay with her at the hospital. They had their excuses. So my Mom and Mary Rose decided to stay with her. The thing is I have work today and my work is in Manila. I had to wake up early today just to travel back here. Plus, I had a bad case of diarrhea. I wanted to stay with her but I couldn't.

Nakakainis lang na walang anak niya ang gustong magbantay sa Nanay except for my Mom. Eh may sakit na rin yun na di siya dapat mapuyat. Kung sa Lipa lang ang work ko sana ako na lang nagbantay. Nakakainis ang dami nilang excuses eh pwedeng pwede naman silang magbantay.

Of course, hindi pa rin ako talaga excuse pero siguro naaawa rin ako sa kanya kase matapos niyang matulungan ang mga anak niya, iniwan na nila at pinabayaan ang Nanay. Umiiyak nga ang Mommy eh. Awang-awa siya sa Nanay. Kase parang inaayawan nila ang responsibilidad nila sa Nanay. Naaawa rin ako sa Nanay. Bothered din ako. Feeling ko kase yun na ang huling araw na matino ang Nanay. feeling ko kase tuluyan na siyang pumasok sa senescence. Kahit makulit yun at masakit magsalita, may point naman siya.

We go through our physical life in stages. If we are lucky, we can reach the senescence. It's awful but it's the way life is. People start from being helpless to being useful then back to being helpless again. Nanay's senescence is now. And with all the love and sacrifices she has done for her offspring, it is just right that they pay her with love, care, and attention. Now is the time to do that. She is not really asking for anything but those.

May we be able to show our love, care, and respect for our mothers, and to our elders. We are young now but time will come when we, too, will be just like them.

Take, Take, Whatever

Because I told them that I wouldn't come to the wake of Maam Emma's mother, my boss told me that I would be left behind while they would leave early to reach Batangas. I declared it to be unfair and so I decided to go with them on Friday.

Sometimes, I just can't keep my mouth shut. I just have to say what I feel. Just like last night at Chowking. I swear, I will never eat there again.

Customer service in the Philippines sucks! But CS at Chowking is the worst!

Enough of that...I'm trying to upload lots of music but I'm a newbie. What's a torrent anyway? How do you make it play music? Can someone help me please?

I've read something about Ophrah's journal. I'm quite curious but then it's a personal journal online. What's the point of doing an online journal when you don't want to share it with others? Better buy a notebook and write down your thoughts. These go also for the celebrities especially artists, you make yourself seen so therefore, people will recognize you. They can either like you, or not, or they can be indifferent. It's just natural that your privacy will be invaded. As long as you are not being stalked, and no nude fake pictures of you or no bad rumors of you are happening, then take that consequence.

Great Day

My weekend has been fun. Cousins from the states arrived. They were nice enough to give us some pasalubong. I am grateful.

I really think that I should start living my dream right now.

A good comment can really make a day wonderful. So fill the world with good, sincere comments.

Addict

This is required.
Technorati Profile

At Last

My birthday blowout with my officemates went well. I was really glad at the outcome of it. I was able to let them taste our suman. People kept asking if Mom made it but we just bought it. Making rice cake is difficult and needs lots of man power and time.

I finished Season 6 of Gilmore Girls and I was crying by the end of the last episode. I just hate partings. On the last epiusode, Rory and Logan had to be separated because Logan had to go to London. Lory also slept with Christopher, Rory's father. This, I think was because of Luke's refusal of eloping with her. This last episode made me want to look forward to the next season. Hopefully there's already an available DVD for this...sa Quaipo ha... :)

Yesterday I was able to customize my Multiply themes...thanks to Hanagirl's help. Then it made me wish to have a digital camera because I have a customized theme and I can surely put a lot of pictures on my multiply but I don't have a digital camera. We have a camera but it's not digital...poor kase kami eh.

Speaking of being poor, Malou told me something about the inicident in my former area. Learn from this okay, it's for your own good. Never ever let anyone know how flatbroke you are because people tend to look down on you if you are poor.

Nakakatawa naman yung kwento about the mansion, expectation, and our house. At work, I am fond of talking about my lack of money and this made them think that I'm really, really poor like I have nothing to eat...sometimes I am really broke that I have almost nothing to eat. And they just couldn't believe that I have a nice family. We are definitely not rich and they're right, I guess, in looking down at me money-wise but I'm lucky to have a nice dysfunctional family. Dysfunctional because my family is not perfect but I am lucky to have a great Mom who does everything to make our lives okay. I am lucky because people respect my Mom because she really is respectable. I am lucky because people look up to her whether they admit it or not.

Speaking of Moms, I hope Maam Emma's Mom is fine now. She had to rush home because something happened to her Mom. I can really empathize with her because just like her, I only have one parent now. And Mom is my source of strength that's why I am really afraid of losing her.

Here are some pics from 2006... they're not as clear but hey they're meaningful to me

Wine and everything that's different from our usual noche buena. Ardee gave us the ideas.

WELCOME 2007!!!

Tin-Tin, one of the newest members in our clan

Naty's 18th birthday at CAP building Lipa.

Nanay Metring during New Year, she was really cold that we had to put everything we could give her to keep her from shivering...:)

Another shot of Nanay

Kids dancing during our pre-NY's party

Gabie cutie

My Doraymond!

Kids!!!

For more pics visit my multiply.

Million Thanks

There's no turning back to being 25. If I had a choice, I would choose to turn back time and be 20 again. Being 25 means being an adult. You're no longer in between. Future is here. And it hurts to know that at 25 I'm still very unstable. People say that I should marry now that I'm 25, but it's not yet on my mind right now. Career is my priority right now. And I hope this year, I will be able to finally say to myself that I am successful with my career.

I thought my birthday yesterday would be boring--but then Nanay Metring rescued it by locking herself up in our room causing commotions to us outside. It was scary but funny.

Important people in my life took part in my celebration. I was able to spend time with myself, with God, and with my family, and loved ones.

To all those who remembered my special day, a million THANKS to all of you.

Review

Happy New Year everyone!

2006 has given me lessons in subtle, heavy ways. Although I've spent most of my days in frustration, blessings come in ways not visible to the naked eye that only the heart and soul can understand.

I've met Raymond at the first quarter of the year. I have again ventured into the unknown. While at it, I realized several things about myself. Things that have made me cry and made me stronger. I've made mistakes and tried long and hard to do what is right--not because society says so but because my heart, mind, and soul say so. Meeting Raymond made me go through things I never thought I could surpass.

I was not rich this year. I still couldn't settle down. I am still in my journey of finding out what I want. At 24, I am still very unsure of myself.

I was so unsure of myself that I went to several gimmicks and events. Taught myself how to drink alcohol again.

Cousins from the states visited. I had fun times with them. Forgiving and anger battled inside me.

Careerwise, I have transferred into another area. Bigger challenges now face me. I am still overcoming my temper and compulsions. They speed up my weight gain. And being overweight means becoming unhealthy. Thus, I feel that I have become a monster.

I have failed several times--failed APEC, failed interviews, failed the weight requirement. I have failed so many times but one thing odd is that I only cried once, it's maybe because my heart is still hopeful.

I have met up with old friends. And it amazes me that we are more mature now. Because we used to ignore each other but seeing them now gives me nothing but joy and excitement.

There are also new members in our family: Tintin, Sophia, and Shawn Denzel. Cutie kids.

Simple blessings I have received. I am more comfortable in using the microphone at work. I can modulate my voice. I have learned to appreciate my voice on how important it is to have a strong voice.

I also am more comfortable singing in videokes with friends and acquaintances.

I can show more of my affections especially to kids. Thanks to Raymond, he loves kid and he made me admit to the world that I indeed like kids.

I've become more talkative. I can now say what I want--however, most of the time, I have observed that I go overboard that my voicing out ideas, and feelings put me in trouble.

I am more comfortable with my skin--although I have become really fat, I now find it easier to converse with guys--good-looking guys. Maybe, it's because I am not hopeful of their affection anymore. It's not because I am contented with R but because I have accepted me being single for the rest of my life.

I have read a lot of books, too. They taught me wisdoms that I was able to share with others--thanks to unlimitxt!!!

2006 continuously bombard me with challenges with steady motion and instead of giving up--I become more thankful of the blessings--be it small or big--my life has been quite thorny but it's even more beautiful.

My wish for this year and for the coming years is that I may always follow God's will. I wouldn't be hopeful if not for God.