Being Alone

Ate Sheila and I had the holes sealed. We bought the sealant from a hardware store..a little housekeeping. And this made me think about me being alone.

All of my roomates are in a relationship. I'm the only one who's not. And that means that if anything bad happens to me--no one will be there to help me. Which is why I am learning to depend on others--friends, family, co-workers, people.

A few days ago, I've talked with Kim. We were on the topic about being an other woman. Neither of us are one but we know people who are. She asked why do girls do that? I answered, "Takot kase silang mag-isa." People are afraid to be alone. It's really scary and hard. People are not meant to be alone. Which is why I am asking my fate on why I am alone. And why in my alone-ness, does God give me something to be paranoid about?

But as always, everything happens for a reason. I am paranoid to learn to do housekeeping. To always try to clean my place. To be organized. To share and serve others. And especially, to depend more on God.

I am alone to seek others and to learn how to depend on others and how to get out of my shell. It's ironic because the more you get out of your shell, the more you'll find strength in you and where will you get your inner strength? To someone superior to you. In my case, I get strength from God. To trust a little and sharing a little. To be hurt and to learn from that feeling. It is in being alone that I reach out to people. It is in being alone that I am humbled. It is in being alone that I learn how to take care of myself, how to love myself, and how to respect myself. It is in being alone that I am now trying to complete myself...although I know that I can never be whole unless God is in my life and is at the center. I know only He can fill the emptiness inside me. And so I'm thinking, it's about time I do something for Him. I hope this time I'll be successful.

I am alone but not really.