3

Grateful

My Mom has been discharged after three days of confinement due to hyperglycemic crisis. I should be thankful because we've been given another chance.

I have to be a daughter now.
2

Then life...

Waiting for a dream to happen is frustrating. I hate waiting. But I am becoming successful in convincing myself that I can still have a better life despite of...

So what would happen to me if the dream I'm waitng for doesn't come? Life will still happen. It is happening right now. That I can be the best version of me right here right now. So that when the comparing bug bit me and I feel envious of my rich friends, I can just tell myself that despite of...life happens. I will never lose. I will always be a winner.

Sunset is also beautiful from this side of the world. Sea breeze is still calming. God is also very much present. So is the love of people.

Since 2009 is now on the brink of saying goodbye and 2010 is getting ready for the world, I would just like to share that the events of last year have made me a better person. Better than before, but the best of myself right now.

I have learned to acknowledge my shortcomings. I've been humbled so many times. I have taken many baby steps. I know and I plan to work on these two skills which I need to strengthen. God is good because He allows me to strengthen these.=)
2

Looking forward

I finally got my BDJ planner for 2010, and although I don't have the budget to avail of the discounts and to check the lists, it makes me realize that there is still something to look forward to. I may be hanging waiting and waiting for my dream to happen, but I realize that I'm not stagnant careerwise. And that I have become better than the year before.

I've been humbled a lot of times, making me aware of my rough edges. And the conscious effort to make them smooth is enough for me to keep on going.

There is more to life and I'm looking forward to it.
5

Life is to love

I have to repost this. This is a sad story but one can learn something from this.

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again
I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks
and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each
other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to
our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had
lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her
wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had
said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me,
which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of
release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks
seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face
the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his
arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the
sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my
arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the
divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the
door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't
looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not
young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was
graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered
what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her
as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses
have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that
was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential
part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged
him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my
neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our
wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her
in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held
her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want
the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't
divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't
value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any
more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding
day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.
The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll
carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship.
It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, the jewelries
blah..blah.. blah….

These create an environment conducive for happiness but
cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's
friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.. Do
have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage

LIFE IS TO LOVE ……
4

Next


My roommate was asking for my opinion regarding a cellphone and I've thought of browsing SE's site and I found this. G900 is going to be my next phone. Of course I'm on a tight budget so I'll probably buy this next year. It has everything I need in a phone just like K800i but better. Of course it should be better. It has wifi, up to 8gb memory. And it has touchscreen and handwriting recognition. The camera is also great 5MP.

I just have to write about this.
2

Treats

Life is a treat. It should be. But how will we appreciate the treat if we don't know the difference. That's why I guess, there's variety. My life is full of many interesting people, events and activities. The price I have to pay is more often exhaustion and frustration. But I know that I will keep going on because I want to do those things. I want to learn and grow, my mind and my soul.

Why this pic? This is pichi-pichi from Amber's. The pichi-pichi here is really good. But I particularly like Amber's pancit palabok and barbecue.
Anyway, today has been hectic not only because of work but also because of continuing education. I want to study more at a lesser cost. I really hope things will work out well. The food during the Journal club, our wednesday continuing education at work, is also delicious. Tuna sandwich is not only healthy but also yummy.

I had a nice time chatting with random people. That's a step.
2

(-)

Negative emotions are within me for quite some time now. Nobody wants to feel bad but sometimes, we just have to deal with these so we can be stronger.

Rejection.

I am a true friend. I let them know who I am and I accept them for who they are. But sometimes, people I thought my friends turn out to be fakes. It hurts although I try not to think about them. Rejection will always be painful. But life goes on. And before I know it, in time, I'll gain new true friends.

Respect.

Should be given to anyone and anything. Respect my things as a sign that you respect me. I am not a trash!

Trust.

I trust you. So don't deceive me. Karma exists.

Resolution: Bad feelings will come and go. I just have to know how to talk with someone to come up with a compromise and to open myself up to possibilities--positive possibilities=)

This dream

I just can't give up. I just can't let go. I will fight for this. I need to. I hope God will help me.

P

You can buy books to inspire and encourage you, but it helps a lot if you hear words of encouragement from friends.

These past few days I've been struggling with fears and I will share this prayer I saw at the Vigil room of San Sebastian Cathedral. This helps a lot, too.

"In every need, let me come to You with whole trust saying Jesus help me.
In all my doubts, perplexities and temptation, Jesus help me.
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials, Jesus help me.
In failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments, troubles, and sorrow, Jesus help me.
When others fail me and your grace aone can assist me, Jesus help me.
When I throw myself on Your tender love as Father and Savior, Jesus help me.
When my heart is cast down by failure at seeing no good come from my efforts, Jesus help me.
When I feel unimportant and my cross irritates me, Jesus help me.
When I'm ill and my head and hand can't work and I'm lonely, Jesus help me.
Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls, and shortcomings of every kind, Jesus help me and never forsake me."

Can't Get Enough of MJ

I've watched THIS IS IT film and this is one of the songs MJ sang...I've always liked this song but I'm not really familiar with the lyrics. Anyway, here it goes...

I Just Want To Lay Next To You
For Awhile
You Look So Beautiful Tonight
Your Eyes Are So Lovely
Your Mouth Is So Sweet
A Lot Of People
Misunderstand Me
That's Because They Don't
Know Me At All
I Just Want To Touch You
And Hold You
I Need You
God I Need You
I Love You So Much

[Michael]
Each Time The Wind Blows
I Hear Your Voice So
I Call Your Name . . .
Whispers At Morning
Our Love Is Dawning
Heaven's Glad You Came . . .

You Know How I Feel
This Thing Can't Go Wrong
I'm So Proud To Say
I Love You
Your Love's Got Me High
I Long To Get By
This Time Is Forever
Love Is The Answer

[Siedah]
I Hear Your Voice Now
You Are My Choice Now
The Love You Bring
Heaven's In My Heart
At Your Call
I Hear Harps,
And Angels Sing

You Know How I Feel
This Thing Can't Go Wrong
I Can't Live My Life
Without You

[Michael]
I Just Can't Hold On

[Siedah]
I Feel We Belong

[Michael]
My Life Ain't Worth Living
If I Can't Be With You

[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
And If I Stop . . .
Then Tell Me Just What
Will I Do

[Siedah]
'Cause I Just Can't Stop
Loving You

[Michael]
At Night When The
Stars Shine
I Pray In You I'll Find
A Love So True . . .

[Siedah]
When Morning Awakes Me
Will You Come And Take Me
I'll Wait For You

[Michael]
You Know How I Feel
I Won't Stop Until
I Hear Your Voice Saying
"I Do"

[Siedah]
"I Do"
This Thing Can't Go Wrong

[Michael]
This Feeling's So Strong

[Siedah]
Well, My Life Ain't
Worth Living

[Both]
If I Can't Be With You
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
And If I Stop . . .
Then Tell Me, Just What
Will I Do

[Michael]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You

[Siedah]
We Can Change All The World
Tomorrow

[Michael]
We Can Sing Songs Of
Yesterday

[Siedah]
I Can Say, Hey . . .Farewell
To Sorrow

[Michael]
This Is My Life And I,

[Both]
Want To See You For Always
I Just Can't Stop Loving You

[Siedah]
No, Baby

[Michael]
Oh!

[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You

[Siedah]
If I Can't Stop!

[Both]
And If I Stop . . .

[Siedah]
No

[Michael]
Oh! Oh! Oh . . .Oh . . .

[Siedah]
What Will I Do? Uh . . .Ooh . . .
(Then Tell Me, Just What
Will I Do)

[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You

[Michael]
Hee! Hee! Hee! Know I Do
Girl!

[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You

[Michael]
You Know I Do
And If I Stop . . .

[Both]
Then Tell Me, Just What
Will I Do

[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You

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