Its been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.
Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would've
Wanted if until there was you.
Because i have learned that love is beyond
What human can imagine,
The more it clears
The more i have to let you go.
But now i don't understand why im feeling
So bad now when i know it was my idea.
I could've just denied the truth and lied.
But why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground?
My love because i have learned that love is a
Word gets thrown a little bit too much.
The best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
I never have to if all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fail,
Would you be brave to see right through me?
A girl sat beside me in the FX. She wore a sleeveless blouse. The blouse is cute. Her arm was fortunatly supple. If not, then I wouldn't let her touch my already sweaty skin.
The weather is not so hot but is humid. It's like I'm constantly damp from sweat. Smell the air and you can smell the salt making you feel like you're near the beach. Which is true because I can walk from my workplace to Roxas Boulevard where Manila Bay could be found. And this kind of weather signifies May. May is the month where rainy season and summer meet. Humidity is high. It's bad for the acidic skin.
I've been reading Jessica Zafra's Twisted 7. She's really a brilliant writer. I love reading her articles.
Slippers on My Ears
Okay, he is on my mind. Our relationship is on my mind. The truth is, I still love him a lot. But it's up to him. There are many things I've done wrong. Maybe someday I won't get to regret it. Instead I might be cherishing the mistakes I've done because then I've learned something from them.
A while ago as I was walking towards the OPD section of my workplace, I heard some conversations or whatever you call it...
Old woman: Excuse po, pwede pong magtanong?
Guard at the gate: Ano po iyon?
Old woman: Saan po ang botika dito?
Botika. Pharmacy. In my workplace there are many pharmacies. They are all under one department. My department. The Pharmacy Department. I could have butt in their conversation and led her to the pharmacy she wanted to go to but I have my life. I have my story. They can manage without me. My point is nothing. I just heard the word botika that's why.
For the past few days I have stuffed myself with expensive food. Expensive but delicious. Maybe this is what they call gluttony. I just want to stuff myself but I don't enjoy it. I am rather depressed. Maybe, Mark has something to do with this.
I am thinking of my appearance also. The slippers on my ears are now in my bag. I won't be wearing that for maybe a long time. Maybe I should just try to lose weight. But then, maybe not now.
Maybe I should just try to accept the fact that I will be an old maid in the future. All men nowadays are jerks. They're weaker than women. I don't think I would get to be loved by a man with the heart just like my father. I think I am not worthy to be loved like that because I don't have the characteristic of my mother. She's strong, I am weak. I am such a disappointment for her. But I am trying to stand on my own.
I should, from this day on, write/update my personal diary. I want to write the process of destruction and construction in my life.
There are things that I could write here, but sometimes it's better if I should just keep things to myself. But that's for a while. Not until after the storm.
Don't worry, I'll still be here. Keep living!
Right on Track
Could you lend me some love?
Even for a while
For a moment
I need to breathe
I need to feel
Who am I?
Is this the right path?
Where should I go?
Will you be there for me?
Hold my hand
For I don't know how
To walk anymore