I know how to get hurt, how to be broken by someone I really love, how to cry, how to take the pain. BUT I don't know yet how to break someone's heart. I don't want to do it to anyone but I think I have to.

I don't know. I am clouded with confusion. A lot of people surrounding me are bombarding me with ideas. Materialistic, logical ideas. Pero ewan ko.

Let me be specific...I've been thinking about marriage and my career and my future for the longest itme now. Here's one of my conversation/argument with my sister one night when I asked her to accompany me in our kitchen because I am afraid of the dark...

Sister: Hindi ka pa pwedeng mag-asawa. Hindi ka pa marunong...(sa buhay)
Me: Bakit ikaw pwede na?
Sister: Oo naman. Marunong na akong maglaba, mamalantsa, magluto at maghanapbuhay.
Me: Ows?!

Wait...wait...wait...my beloved sister. If those are your criteria for marriage then I think you're in BIG trouble. If knowing how to do the laundry, ironing clothes, cooking, and working are your criteria, then I can say that I can marry already. But I think you forget other issues that should be consider in marriage. Issues like how to raise a kid, how to be pregnant, how to take care of others, how to earn to send your kids to school--those practical stuff. And what about self-fulfilment?

Hehe...with the way my mind works right now...I think I'll be an oldmaid.

I do want to get married. I long to be loved. I long to be taken care of. But I think I still haven't met that guy who will do those things for me. Sad to say...but I'm not losing hope. Ate Emily is right. Yesterday I spent time talking with her in their place in Sta. Mesa. We had choosing the right guy as our topic. She's right in saying that I should give myself time to think what I really want and who I want. There are many things that we should consider in choosing a guy. And every woman should first use their head then their heart. Love can be learned. And I think she's right. I do want to get married at the right time.

And also yesterday, I went with them to Chinese Genral Hospital to visit my first grandson (yes I'm alread a grandmother...2nd degree nga lang...) Shawn Denzel. He's sick. There is something wrong with his lungs, blood, and heart. He's a cute baby and I hope he makes it. That baby is going to be a fighter. At a young age, he's already fighting for his life. We arrived in his room while a nurse was injecting (through a heplock) drugs in his tiny body...and he never cried. Matapang!

Anyway, I'm still waiting for that moment when I can stir my career towards another direction. I hope God grant me that.


pobs said...

ganon nga tlga yun, the thought of getting married sometimes scare us thinking we haven't find the right person yet, BUT as they say there is no perfect person out there, whoever it is with us now, we can make them the right and perfect one for us..

Debbie said...

those are all pretty good and necessary things one should learn before getting married. but i think those things such as chores, can be learned as you go along the way. you learn how to be strong, responsible, tough and all those good qualities for the sake of your family.

i think the first step is to have the right person God has planned for you to be with for the rest of your life. having the right partner makes life easier and bearable because the both of you will learn together and grow stronger together so when difficulties arise you battle with it head on. and no experience or training will teach you that.

so pray for the right one and the rest is a beautiful journey ahead.

i wasn't really prepared or should i say trained to do all those wifely duties. it is not what a marriage is all about. from my experience it's the good chemistry of two people. it is the compromise involved in combing two different lives, personalities, abilities together. i think you'll know that you have the right partner if challenges and problems make you and your partner stronger and better. it doesn't weaken the realtionship. it doesn't cause a separation between husband and wife.

sorry mahaba na ito..i just like to share some of my experience. hope i have enlightened you on this one. but the best advice is to pray for the right one and then wait...hehe but for the meantime keep yourself busy with your career and self-fulfillment.

God bless jassy...take care

jassy said...

pobs & debbie,

thanks for sharing your thoughts. pero wala pa yung right one for me. siguro kaya ganun yung mga naiisip ko ngayon. i'm in a relationship right now, and habang tumatagal naiisip kong hindi pa siya ang para sa akin.

CIE said...

i guess we share a bit of sentiments here i'm turning 25 this year and Im still single hahah! i haven't met the right guy and yes we have to be ready for things like raising a kid , life being pregnant things like that.. well then i realized hey im happy being single party lang lagi hahahh! i'm afraid i'll be an oldmaid kakaparty ok lang happy namn!

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