Meron akong bagong pinagkakaabalahan--smelling perfumes sa mall. Gusto ko kaseng mag-mix ng imitation para tumagal din scent niya.

Anyway, another hobby. I come back to DVD watching--sa mall malapit sa amin, marami sa sidewalk na nagbebenta ng DVDs. May House season 3 na pala. Syempre excited na akong mapanood yun.

Anyway, lahat ng tao comment sa akin is mataray and suplada, and seryoso. Ewan ko ba. Ang alam ko hindi naman ako dating ganito. I used to be shy and quiet. But maybe being a constant underdog made me build a wall around myself. The more painful it is, the higher and the thicker the wall formed. This wall caused me to store anger inside but knowing that keeping bad feelings inside is never good, I always find the need to let it out. And so whenever I find someone or something irritating, I cuss or I made a nasty comment.

I have been constantly rejected by people and circumstances and it hurts everytime. But I later realize that all pains go away. That all rejections will pass. But I can't help but be afraid everytime I sense that something or someone is going to reject me. And so when I know that I have no business over that person or circumstance, I just let them go. I try not to force them to like me.

But when the need to please others arise, I do what i must without pretending to be someone I am not. And when I fail at that, I will always hate that person--that there is no way we could be friends.

I ask for help if I need one. and when I do ask for help, they better help me. Especially when they are the ones who volunteered to assist me in the first place. Never leave me hanging. Or else...or else another anger will be built inside me and I will have to find a way to let you know that I am mad at you.

I am so angry at myself right now for letting them get away with hurting me. I should fight back but I should not. I am so angry at myself that instead of venting out my anger I let it affect my body--thus I am really overweight and that's not good because I will be prone to illnesses.

I am so angry with people who have betrayed me.

I am so angry at people who think I cannot make it.

I am so angry at the politics in my workplace.

I am so angry for being misunderstood.

I am so angry that maybe that's what's causing my body pains.

I am so angry right now. Period.


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