Remembering When

For the past few weeks, I've been busy. Busy thinking and working. Thinking about my future and working for the present. But I am lucky enough because I spent so many time with my family and relatives. Last week, I went swimming with them. That event was tiring for me because I had to travel from Manila to Laguna then Laguna to Manila. But it was worthy. I was even touched by my brother's sweetness. Anong nakain nun?!

For the past few days, after I've talked with my friends, I've been contemplating about my future and Mark. Our relationship is still there but we are still far apart. The distance between us is that great. I don't know if he would still be able to wait for me.

I have to try to do the best that I can with my career. That's my right. But he has his right to do something with his career, too. I can't stop him from spreading his wings. I want him to be the best that he can be. Maybe my reason for being in a heavy mood is worry. I am not sure if my plans would push through. And if that plan were to fail, I had nothing to back it up.

I cannot close my eyes and pretend that I don't know about the sufferings that people in this country are experiencing. I need not wait for these sufferings to afflict my family. I am the eldest and my father has passed away. My mother is not getting any younger or healthier. I am not worrying about myself because the only thing that will be hurt is my ego, but I am worrying about my family.

God gives us talents and skills. He wants us to use them to make ourselves the best that we can be while serving and loving Him. Problem is, sometimes I cannot distinguish if what I am trying to do is really a way of serving God. How would I know if what I'm doing is right? And how would I know if what I am doing is really what God wants me to do?

I guess time will tell.