The Wave is Coming Hold On

I arrived in our store to see my Mom crying. I asked her why and she just told me not to mind her. I asked if she had a dream about Dad because she is usually like that whenever she thinks of Dad. She did not answer. I have a feeling she was crying because of me. I did not probe anymore. I told her that her youngest sister, my Aunt would be calling in an hour and so I left her my phone. I would not want to speak with my Aunt. Not at that moment. I decided to check my email and to get lunch. Did that just to avoid the talk.

I left only to arrive (again) with my Mom on the phone with my Aunt. They were laughing and so I figured that their talk was "successful". I wanted to cry. Cry because I know that my life is totally out of my control. That was why when Mom called me to speak with my Aunt, I acted like a spoiled brat and refused to talk with her. What would I tell her? What would I answer her? I might just burst into tears.

Their offer was great. Really. It was for the best. But I am not happy. I have my plans. I've told you in my previous entry that working in Dubai and making it on my own would really make me happy. I was already happy just thinking about it. But to my disappointment, there is still hope for me somewhere other than Dubai. Crazy. I am but that's what my heart says.

I know what will make me happy but I know that it would not be complete if I know that some of my loved ones are not happy with my decision. I do not want to be selfish. And so here I am, trying to do what is best. Giving up my happiness. I just hope that happiness is really meant for me. Because I really love my happiness.

Sometimes, I just want to give up. But something tells me that I should just hold on. I should hold on tight. The tidal waves are still around me. Enveloping me. Trying to suffocate me. But I know that it will pass and everything will fall into place. I just have to hold on. I should hold on to this love I have for my family, for God, and for Mark--my happiness.

And with that, I will be on hiatus, that's what bloggers call it, but I would want to call it hibernation. I need to focus on my review because I might have a major exam as in MAJOR EXAM in September. And that is so near. But I'll be around.


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