My thought last night before I went to sleep that brought tears to my eyes:

Am I doing it wrong? I am beginning to be happy with what I have. I may not have a lot and it sure is not perfect but I am happy. What am I missing? Am I not loving myself? Aren't anyone capable of changing for the better? If I won't give hima chance who would? We have been together for two months and as days go by I am learning to accept and love him more...

This is not where I really want to be but I can feel that this is where I should be. I've thought of the what ifs and the answers are empty. I may not understand the situation but everything happens for a reason.

Things may seem blurry and people will think I am at the losing end, but I guess it depends on me. What is wrong for others may be right for me and what is right for me may be wrong for others. In the end, I know, God will not let me be lonely or destroyed. He will always be here for me. I trust in His ways.

This morning I went with my Mom to the wake of my Lolo Carding. Another relative died. I got inspired by how much Lolo Carding and Lola Ingga loved each other. That's the kind of love I want to have for my husband, if ever I'll have one. Going there was also another chance to visit San Isidro, one of my favorite place. It being rural is great and reminds me of my childhood, the importance of dream and love for family. Comparing the views of the people there with the people in the urban is really different. They are more idealist/conservative. While the urban people are realist/liberals. I'm talking about their general views in life. I am somewhere in between. I kinda wish I were a hard core idealist/conservative but I am not. Living in Manila for more than six years have forced my mind to open up to new ideas. I've seen both sides and I decided to just be in between.

I've also watched Proof last night. I got inspired to do the best in my field. I wish I were a genius. But I am just average. I once asked my close friends on what they think is my gift and though they don't really know what they should answer, I got struck by what my one friend told me. She said I have the gift of heart. I may not have all the answers to evevrything about my field but I have the gift of heart.

I want to improve on my field. I may never be a genius but it won;t stop me from not improving on my skills. I am still alive. There is still hope. There is a reason for everything. God has a better plan for me. But I owe Him my best. This is all for the glory of Him.

I would just like to list the movies, shows, and books which inspire me to do better.

  • Doctor and Prizes by Erich Segal
  • Beautiful Mind
  • ER
  • Malcolm in the Middle
  • Ice Princess
  • Legally Blond
  • Orange County the Movie
  • Numbers
  • CSI
  • The Rock

If you can add to this list please do so so I can watch and read them, too. Thanks! Have a great day everyone!


tin said...

Oh my, I have heard about a number of deaths this weekend. I can name at least four.

Well, at least they're in a much happier place now. I'm sure they're at peace.

Condolence to your family.

yayam said...

i love csi. makes me want to work as an fbi agent. ;)

yen said...

my deepest condolences to ur family. how are u coping?

Debbie said...

hey jassy....

one of my favorite movie is "little black book" by Britney murphy. I like it so much coz it talks about relationships and careers. hope you can get to watch that. i want to see proof too....

i feel for you...i also have doubts about my abilities. God has a plan for all of us....a big heart is more than all the riches in this world...

take care!

Abbie eXcites said...

Hey, Jassy! I love Doctors, too. Read Memoirs of a Geisha. So nice and inspiring.

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