Finding Love

But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or
a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand new situation. Love can
consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We
simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If
we reject it, we die of hunger because we lack the courage stretch out a hand
and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take
love where we find it, even if that means, hours, days, weeks of disappointments
and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begimns to seek
us. And to save us.

--from By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

That part made me think. It speaks of what I've gone through for several months now.

Love is always new. As days go by, different events happen, they may be similar but not exactly the same. I've been to paradise with my past--like how high anyone can be with pure, all-out love--not afraid of getting hurt. Although it did not work out, I have to commend myself for the great love that I've given that relationship. It's in it that I have thought of (seriously) getting married. I have imagined myself being with him for the rest of my life and even through eternity...that's how great my love for him is. It's surprising that I can love that much. Maybe because it gives me great high--just like heaven. I guess that's what paradise is like.

With my relationship right now, with our situation and everything that I've gone through, I can say that I have gone through hell and back to earth. But I have to say that things are getting better for us. I could not believe that I have that kind of strength to go through with all of those. This relationship took me somewhere where I can say that I've been stronger in a just , humbled disposition.

I have questioned God a million times about this situation He had put me in. And although people will say that we have free will, we're only strong when God is with us. The truth is, we have a lot of weak spots. That is why we tend to hurt one another. We are not perfect. And as much as we always want to do the right thing, when God put you on the spot--how will you know that what you are doing is wrong. Anyway, slowly I am able to accept the new situation and allow it to shape me into someone more beautiful. Rough edges of my character still hurt my soul and those around me, and sometimes I have the urge to kick myself when I become mean and impossible. But at least I know now what I should do.

Allowing this new love in my life made me see life in different ways. Life is not anymore without hope. Possibilities are endless.

I guess it's true that we have to take love where we find it. Despite the consequences, I thought that I met him because he needed a savior. But if you look closely, he came into my life to save me from myself. There is still the consequences. But I am surrendering them all to God. I can very much say that if God let me choose between this and Him, He knows that I will gladly choose Him (God).