Big Brother Housemate

I can't believe people will take the time to observe me even if it means pin pointing every little details of my mistakes and weaknesses. Well, thank you.

Summer and Lessons

Summer is over. Rainy days are here. That means dirty clothes and shoes because of flooded streets. I hate rainy days even if it's cold during this season. Rainy days made me OC ever since that stormy night.

And summer has always been pretty good to me. No matter how many times I complained about huimidity. No matter how many times I took a bath in the dark because of power interruptions. Summer has always been good. Summer has always given me hope. Every summer is unique. Every summer is special. Every summer gives me lessons. This year one thing I've gained is self-awareness. I finally figured out why I've been OC all along. And I also realized that I'm tougher--kinda meaner. I've changed a lot. I'm no longer timid. I can be described as "palaban". I hate this description. But I think I have become this way because I really feel like and I have observed that I can never really rely on anyone. That I can't depend on anyone but myself. That no one will defend me and so I must be tough. I must take care of myself. My intentions are still good but people can't really abuse my kindness--not for long.

I sometimes hate myself for being stubborn and so impatient but I am happier now. So long summer. And I can say that this is it--now is the time to start achieving my goals. God, please please help me.

When your body betrays you...

L.C. is one of our frequent customer/patient. And it's been several months now since he ran errands for some offices in our workplace. But recently he suffered from hyponatremia (low Na levels in the body). He is a kidney transplant patient so there is always the risk that his body will give up on him. He was not able to come to our workplace for several weeks. And this afternoon, he came to our workplace. It was nice seeing him because he was nice. But then he talked with us and that was when I saw the change. He could not really speak that fast--like he had a stroke. It was heartbreaking to see someone so strong before but not anymore. I never saw my Aunt Lagreng like that when she was suffering from her kidney problem. I never saw Dad like that except when he had that stroke that put him into coma. I've been working in that institution for almost three years now. I've been passing by it ever since college. I've seen sick people but it's different when the person suffering is familiar to you. I may be mataray at work but I nearly cried when I heard him speak. I guess, I've carried that ache until now that prompted me to blog. I was supposed to be studying now or having a hair cut but then...I just have to let this out.

Lidocaine

Twists and turns happen all the time. And when you expect the worst--better things happen. I'm a happier person now because I have learned to let go of problems I really have no control of. I would have been happier though if I could put some songs on my player but since I'm a person with limited resources...I just have to stick with what I already have.

Alone in my thoughts

There is this moment of uncertainty that I have felt this morning--moment where I've thought that everyone has abandoned me and I am utterly alone and cold. Like people are insincere that life has been good to them but not to me. That I will never belong. That I should really think of getting out of here. Good thing, customers started to approach me and it was toxic time once again. Hehe...

The truth is, I did feel those things and I am still worried right now. But I have done what I must do. I have fought for my rights. Naks! And the rest is up to God.

This day has also been productive for me. Did what I have always loved doing--studying. I saw this girl busy making notes for her and her classmates. I forgot what med students call it but I envied her life--yes, she's busy but I like to be busy like her. I want to own a laptop, have dozen of thick medical books around me. Oh I just like the pursuit of knowledge. It doesn't matter that people call me a geek--that I am not fashionable. I would be really on high if I can be like that girl--at least that laptop and studying part.

Still am happy.

Tidbits

1. Election day is over. According to stat, this has been a peaceful election but I don't think so. I couldn't believe that people would think of putting schools on fire to stop the counting and causes confusion to people. I couldn't believe that people could resort to killing their competitor just to win the election.

This election I have been really involve in the sense that I am more aware of it. I even went to the nearest school in my hometown just to watch the counting of votes.

2. Anyway, I am again in this heart breaking situation. They can try to put me down. But I promise this time I will be better than them.

3. I have been sick these past few days. It only rained once and I immediately caught a cold. Now I can't smell anything therefore I can't taste anything and I am more deaf than ever.

4. I am glad that God finally gave Doraemond a blessing. I hope he won't waste it this time.

5. I accompanied my Mom in voting at our old barangay. I saw familiar people. Most of them are bigger and fatter like they are already married. It's great to see them once again. And I realize that I can still manage to smile--a lot.

Layie

Another one...credits to cutline for the header image. The exact link is in my multiply. It's a Saturday and I am here in the metro. I still have time. I should have been studying but I still have to do what I have to do. There are no good movies left to watch. Lucky You was okay but it's boring. The only reason why I watch it is because of Drew Barrymore and again, there is nothing left to watch.

I saw lots of people from my past. It's good to see them. It's sad to know though that we might not see each other again because most of them will be leaving the country. As for me, I don't know.

It's good to meet people in a calm way--not like my work way. At work, I meet people by issuing medicines and most of the time they are too impatient to be nice and I am too tired to understand. But this is life. I just hope my life gets better.

I heard that Rudy Fernandez has a pancreatic cancer. That kind of cancer has poor prognosis according to them. Too bad. I just hope he makes the most out of his life. Well, shouldn't we all try to live our life to the fullest.

This is why it hurts...

I nearly had an encounter with my conscience. Fortunately God heard my prayer. She came back to get her daughter's meds. Whole story tomorrow...I guess.

The point is--it's not easy being poor and sick.

Before the 14th

I saw Robeth yesterday. Just a few inches away. I could touch him but doing so could mean trouble. Kase baka isipin niya na nababaliw na ako. Robeth was an old major crush in college. He was not as tall as I remember kase naman whenever he would pass by the corridor I was always sitting on the floor so he looked like a giant then.

Anyway, election day is fast approaching. And I really hope that VILMA SANTOS-RECTO will win as governor in our province. I don't want any more services from our incumbent governor.

Last, last presidential election, I really despised Erap. I hoped he would not win but he did. I did not want him to win because it would just mean trouble. I wanted Renato de Villa to win that time because I really thought that he would make a good president. Decisive, manly, respectable. And he was from our province, too. But Erap won, and the jueteng scandal came. He was ousted. I felt guilty for taking part in the rally to oust Erap. Because later, I would realize that he was a much better president than GMA.

Then another presidential election came. I hoped GMA would not win because there was the threat that she would try to change the government into parliamentary. And as far as I know, democracy would be gone. And I did not want anyone to take away my freedom. But majority of the educated fools voted for her. I wanted Ping Lacson to win because he was the best candidate for me. I don't think he would try to change the constitution. But he wasn't that lucky.

Yes, our country has been progressing as far the rate of dollar against peso is concerned. But looking closer, our country has become the worst--we are the most corrupt country in the world. Isn't that a shame? And more and more people are having a broken home because more and more people are working outside the country. More and more people are committing crimes because of poverty. Crimes are never resolved. It's like the lives of the Filipinos are not worthy--are not valuable to be protected. The government does not pay attention to agriculture--allowing land-owners to convert their vast land into golf course, villages instead of trying to develop our agriculture. Government hospitals are closing up because the government preferred to give budget to the military instead of health. The people are becoming more corrupt. And they say majority of the Filipinos are Christians.

I just hope that the next leader will put first the welfare of the country. So vote wisely!

Pampalubag Loob

For the lucky ones:

You are not that kind, and you are certainly not a saint that God allows you to be lucky. It doesn't mean that although you have far more money than others and you can basically do whatever you want, you are the kindest person on earth. What you have and what you are going through does not mean it is really a reward but a responsibility. For as they say, the more you are given, the more is expected of you. So use your blessings, and use it well.

and for those who are not lucky in life:

You may not have a home right now. You may curl up in a corner because of starvation. You may be working long hours for a meager salary. You may be given a lot of obstacles and trials in life, but it doesn't mean that you are the most evil in the world. It doesn't mean that you are being punished. It doesn't mean that you are bad. There is a reason for everything--a good one that only God understands right now. Maybe someday, you will know why but as long as you know that you are doing the right thing, that you trust in God for this, then you are on the right path. Congratulations for that.

The 1st of May

Kung kanino ka nakaharap, iyon ang iyong kamukha
Kapag wala kang kaharap,
wala kang kamukha.
Kapag wala kang kaharap, wala kang hinaharap.
Kapag
wala kang hinaharap, wala kang patutunguhan.
Kung sa pera ka nakaharap,
mukha kang pera.
Kung sa Diyos ka nakaharap, kamukha mo ang Diyos.
Walang naglalakad ng paatras.
(Ang umiinom lang ng Arthro...)

The one in the parenthesis is not really included. I just want to put my odd humor. Anyway, these lines come from the priest who held the mass at Antipolo church this morning. These lines are really something to think about. Sorry, I don't know how to translate these in English. Whoever, or whichever you are faced is your face. If you always look at money, then you are surely facing money--and if you always face money then you became greedy that money is all you can think of. But if you face God, then you will likely become just like Him in character. Nobody walks backwards. And sometimes we do not become reality to others unless we show ourselves to them. So this is like fellowship that we have to reach us to people around us. That it is good to be friendly. That it is good to let our family, friends, special someone to know that we are alive and that we love them. And if you don't have a focus, if you are not facing anyone then you have no future.

Anyway, it is really sensible that I see to it that I attend a mass in Antipolo every 1st of May. They say the patron there is the patron saint for travelling. And I always travel. So I guess, she is my patron.

Going to Antipolo today was quite a hassle. I blame it on the heat and on my period. I kinda became a bitch towards the staff of Red Ribbon. And I tried picking a fight with my sister because she did not want to go there at Red Ribbon to meet me. I just followed them kase...Anyway, upon seeing my Mom, my mood changed and I regretting being a bitch a while back. I really have to control myself.

That is also what my senior keeps telling me. And yesterday, our chief met with our area to talk about patient complaints. How can I smile when I'm really tired? Can you suggest of ways to make me smile? Really, I need your suggestions.

Anyway, we also went to our cousin's house in Marikina and as usual we gathered there to eat, catch up on each others' lives. I was able to share some of my thoughts and current sufferings. I don't want to think about that anymore. I just hope that God will never lead me to danger. I trust in God.

Anyway let me share this with you:



What does your handwriting say about YOU?

and also these:

my brother, me, glenda, ardee, mom, and ate margie