Because today is no work day...

I've taken this from Ciara:

here we go again. highlight the statements which applies to you.

Bought everyone in the bar a drink
Swam with wild dolphins
Climbed a mountain--a hill
Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
Been inside the Great Pyramid
Held a tarantula
Taken a candlelit bath with someone
Said 'I love you' and meant it
Hugged a tree
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise -- whenever I'm on a graveyard shift
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game -- PBA and the Bad Boyz Tour
Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
Grown and eaten your own vegetables
Touched an iceberg
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby's diaper
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
Gotten drunk on champagne
Given more than you can afford to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a food fight
Bet on a winning horse--video-karera? hehe...
Asked out a stranger
Had a snowball fight
Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
Held a lamb
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a roller coaster
Hit a home run
Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
Adopted an accent for an entire day
Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
Had two hard drives for your computer
Visited all 50 states
Taken care of someone who was drunk
Have amazing friends
Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
Watched wild whales
Stolen a sign
Backpacked in Europe
Taken a road-trip
Gone rock climbing--wall climbing
Midnight walk on the beach
Gone sky diving
Visited Ireland
Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
Visited Japan
Milked a cow
Alphabetized your CDs
Pretended to be a superhero
Sung karaoke (videoke na 'to!)
Lounged around in bed all day
Posed nude in front of strangers
Gone scuba diving
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Played in the rain
Gone to a drive-in theater
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Toured ancient sites
Taken a martial arts class
Played DVD for more than 6 hours straight -- scrubs, house, gilmore girls.
Gotten married
Been in a movie--school project
Crashed a party
Gotten divorced
Gone without food for 5 days
Made cookies from scratch
Won first prize in a costume contest
Ridden a gondola in Venice
Gotten a tattoo
Rafted the Snake River
Been on television news programs as an "expert"
Got flowers for no reason
Performed on stage -- school projects
Been to Las Vegas
Recorded music
Eaten shark
Had a one-night stand
Gone to Thailand
Bought a house
Been in a combat zone
Buried one of your parents
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently -- english and filipino
Performed in Rocky Horror
Raised children
Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
Had plastic surgery
Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
Wrote articles for a large publication
Lost over 100 pounds
Held someone while they were having a flashback
Piloted an airplane
Petted a stingray
Broken someone's heart
Helped an animal give birth
Won money on a T.V. game show
Broken a bone
Gone on an African photo safari
Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
Ridden a horse
Had major surgery
Had a snake as a pet
Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
Visited all 7 continents
Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
Eaten kangaroo meat
Eaten sushi
Had your picture in the newspaper
Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
Gone back to school
Petted a cockroach--a toy cockroach
Eaten fried green tomatoes
Read The Iliad
Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
Killed and prepared an animal for eating
Skipped all your school reunions
Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
Been elected to public office
Written your own computer language
Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
Had to put someone you love into hospice care
Built your own PC from parts
Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
Had a booth at a street fair
Dyed your hair
Been a DJ
Shaved your head
Caused a car accident
Saved someone's life--I'd like to think so, and I still want to...

Work Again

What hurts the most about my job is seeing hopeless, desperate patients. It just breaks my heart into pieces--making me realize that I'm still vulnerable--that I still have a heart.

Music touches my heart

I am currently listening to the music that touches my heart.

Another layout. The image shows of tablets and capsules. That is because I am a pharmacist and right now my world revolves around medicines--work, work, work. I am not complaining though.

Speaking of work, life in my workplace has become more exciting just like the 2nd, 3rd seasons of my favorite medical series. In one area, one patient has a gushing/squirting blood from her cancerous breast. Everyone who saw it panicked. Of course, who wouldn't? But the funny thing was, the patient and her watcher weren't affected at all, like it was an everyday occurrence.

In another area, one mother brought her skin-stapled daughter with a very weird nose--I'm sorry but she really looked like a clown--her nose was really round and big. And her head was stapled showing a headband effect. The kid was cheerful. And just by looking at her smiling face, I could never really get mad at her persistent mother. She, the kid, was an angel with a weird face.

I just realized that a year ago I was travelling back and forth from Marikina to Manila and Manila to Marikina. My Aunt Lagreng died a year ago and all of us stayed at their house in Marikina. I was also so depressed because I was still trying to get over my ex. I remembered running after him then, trying to call him every once in a while, asking for another chance. Asking/begging him to love me again. Last year was really hard for me. But this year is definitely better. My Aunt's death anniversary was held at our house. My relatives cooperated with the preparation. But no family was perfect so there were some issues. Anyway, I was really glad that our plan pushed through.

And I am definitely over my ex.

I am thankful. I feel glad.

My Heart

Although others try to kill my overwhelming dreams, they still persist. Losing time but never the passion.

Spending time with friends teaches me that I am loved and capable of communicating with others.

Spending time with Raymond teaches me that I am special and that someone believes in me--that I can handle responsibilities.

Spending time with family teaches me that I am so blessed by God and that I am never neglected.

Spending time with myself teaches me to discover, realize, and do something better or great about my life.

So far, the pursuit of knowledge persists. And I really want to focus on my career.

I've told God that I want to serve Him. And with the nature of my work, I have been serving Him for almost 2 years now.

But sadly, I haven't been giving Him my best--I've been known to be mean and grouchy to my equally difficult customers. I am just being plain stubborn. I can only think of one reason why and that is discontentment. I feel that I am not being given the best. That there is still something better for me out there. That I still have to work hard for that reward. And that if others can do it, then I can do it also.

It's confusing most of the time.

And it sucks to think that I can only rely on myself.

Yes I have my friends, my family, and him, but I can only rely on myself.

Even God seems distant sometimes.

But I still continue to dream. I continue to reach for my goal. I continue to hope. I continue to believe that God is working for the perfect gift for me. And that makes me long for another day. That makes me try to survive--to fight the urge to give up. That makes me going.

How would you know if a heart is undying? You have to subject it to near-death situations. And if it continues to live, only then can you tell that it is indeed genuine.

God gives me an undying heart.

I am grateful.

I am thankful.

Thank you God for the hope around me.

My Friday Night Gimmick

I just came from a friday night gimmick! Yipee! At last! After a week full of troubleshooting and dealing with the most difficult of customers--dinner with Jack, Zy, and Ces. We ate at Chef. Just like my other gimmick with college blockmates.

We talked about work of course. What's new and all the bloopers in our work. I was glad to know that my former supervisor were asking how I was doing at my new area. Concern! I'm glad.

I was telling them how exhausting to work in my new area. Then they commented that it was exhausting but I seemed to be gaining weight instead of losing it. I told them they were right that was because although I couldn't eat in between breaks, when I did eat--I eat A LOT and chocolate is always on my diet--sugar and more sugar!!!

I am just glad for the opportunity to be with my friends.

Inside Myself

Love really moves in mysterious ways. It can change you whether you like it or not. You cannot choose it, it chooses you. Loving sometimes hurts but it will always be beautiful. To live is to love. And in life, we need to commit mistakes just so we can learn an important lesson. Risks should be taken so we can know that life is sweeter when there is bitterness around. And lately, I have also learned that life is full of miracles. And these miracles make us hope for the best.

Last night I have read my most recent journal. And I have realized that I have changed--for the better. It's exciting. It gives me hope. Although it seems that I'm stuck here to where I am, I know that life is capable of a change. I just have to wait for the right time. I just have to let myself be ripened--to mature so I can really be the best that I can be.

I don't have anything to share about movies, books, or whatever. I am hibernating--hiding inside my cocoon. I feel like I'm becoming a more beautiful person. Feeling butterfly ako--haha!

I have also been thinking about my 100 Dreams. So far, I have listed 50. I still have to think of another 50.

And little by little, I have been crossing out my lists of why I am such an angry person. I think it's okay.

God's grace

It's been a while but we finally did it--we were able to attend a Sunday mass. And the Homily really touches my soul. Apart from talking to myself, and talking to God, I also watched people. So far, I have observed that people live in sin. I know that's old news. But really, how I wish it is that easy to correct one mistake committed by someone. To press rewind or clink undo. But life is not like that. That's why there is misery. That is why there is pain. And that is why there is an instruction given by God. That is why Jesus came on earth. That is why He needs to save us. And in order to be saved, we should carry our cross and follow Him. Because this world is full of sin--and whether we like it or not, we are bound to make mistakes.

I always depend on God's grace.

There's no better way to say I am in love...

Hey Kid...
Your time has come to change
Though I need you more than
I've needed anyone in any way tonight
Hey Kid...
I know it won't be long
The Captain's calling...
come to see you back where we belong

Something inside me is breaking
Something inside says
there's somewhere better than this...

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you
he's in love with me

Hey Kid...
Do wishes count at all
Can you give me a sign...
give me anything I won't tell a soul you told

Hey Kid...
Will you hold me when I sleep
Will you find me when the tide decides that I got to leave

Something inside me is breaking
Something inside says
there's somewhere better than this...

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you he's in love with me

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in your eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you he's in love with me

Something inside me is breaking
Something inside says
there's somewhere better than this my love

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you he's in love with me

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in your eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you...
he's in love with me...

Idealistic still...

It is always nice to meet with old friends and classmates especially when all of you have something to share with one another.

Last Wednesday, I spent time with Shirley, Kaye, Maica, and Neil. Neil was back from Canada and he treated us to dinner at Chef. Talking with them really means a lot to me. Their experiences made me think and reflect about life.

Us five are on different fields of pharmacy. Shirley is working as a clinical researcher. Kaye is a med student. Maica teaches pharmacy in our college. Neil is a community pharmacist in Canada. And I am a hospital pharmacist in a government hospital.

Different fields but still having the same heart--the same ideals. I'm pretty sure that everyone in our college still have the same ideals. These set us apart from the rest.

Anyway, today is a busy day at work--everyone went on overtime. I enjoyed working with them though.

I've been tagged by Cathy.

Once tagged by this entry, write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. In the end of it, pick six of your friends and tag them! No tag backs. This explanation must be included, of course.

1. I can't resist from buying baked macaroni at the foodcourt in my workplace. Their baked macaroni is just so delicious.
2. I cannot sleep without a blanket enveloping my feet. I just hate anything that touches or crawls on my feet. If a blanket is not available then I wear socks.
3. When I love what I am doing, I can be very focused that you cannot really talk with me because I won't be able to hear you. Example of the deeds are watching tv (house, scrubs, gilmore girls), blogging, sound tripping, writing.
4. I started keeping a diary when I was in Grade 4. I was 10 yo then. I am still keeping a diary up to now. Most of them are however gone because I destroyed them when I was in my angry teenage years.
5. I started writing poems when I was in 1st year highschool. I still write poems whenever I get inspired. I only have two inspirations, those are PAIN and LOVE.
6. I am stubborn. You can make me cry, you can hurt me but if I don't allow you, you can never get through me. You can't make me do anything that will satisfy you by criticizing me. However, you can really win me by pointing out my mistakes in a nice way and by also including to mention my strengths.

There, you've learned something more about me. And I am now tagging Deb, Lica, Janeca, Tin, Yen, and Nao.

The Saddest Night

Tonight is the saddest night of my life. I thought my September this year is way better than my September last year. But no, it's the same. And this time is even more painful because I am the one to call the shots. A lot of things have already happened. Things that I have no idea that one day can actually happen to me. That I am an actress in a dramatic movie.

He said "Buti ka pa kaya mo..." The truth is it is very painful for me. To see him lose his hope. He is on the road to being okay. But I failed him. I cannot control it anymore. I just have to give up on him. Because giving it another chance means I have done myself a grave sin. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.

I wish him the best. I hope he will get to meet someone who can really help him because I can't do that anymore.

Maybe I have caused myself too much wound that can never really heal.

Tonight is the saddest night of my life.

Main People

It's my first time to run across taft so as not to be late for my 2nd day of work in my new area. Exhausted from that unexpected jog, I was even early. Later, during lunchtime issuing meds, Jessa, Jhonna, and Zy stopped by to see me. I was really touched for taking their time to see if I was having a hard time or if I was enjoying my stay there. They were teasing me that I was blooming. That I was better there than in main. And then later that afternoon, Malou and Jessa came by. And then Jhonna and Brent. They were checking that someone I told them about and they showed me the ultrasound of their baby. Brent commented something akward and embarrassing about my current fascination. I just don't want to be judged.

I am not the type to fool around anymore. I am just enjoying the view. And besides, last night I decided something that will affect my future forever. All I can say is, I am on the path to being satisfied with my life that I would rather eliminate the hindrances to that rather than take that complicated path.

Anyway, I miss the people from main.

Yesterday, prior to my realization I've just mentioned above, I really enjoyed sitting in our sofa upstairs while watching the latest season of Gilmore Girls. I could live like that forever. I don't want anymore complications.

I don't want anymore complications.

Saturday Morning

It's already September. I am way happier now than last year. But I was fatter now than last year. Anyway, I am really looking forward to the holidays. I hope Christmas and New Year will be happy now. My summer sucked that's why I am hoping for a better holidays.

I started working in my new area yesterday. And the only advantage that i can live with whilke working there for another year or more is that I'll have no night duty from now on. And my work will be from Monday to Friday and i will have my holidays at the right days. however, I don't think i won't have the usual stops for rest while on duty. peeing is even a nuisance because there is a constant number of people waiting to be served everyday. And the customers are notorious--they can eat you alive, threaten you, or fool you. Syndicates are rampant. Oh well...

Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for this job. And it's about time that I should do something different. I've been doing the same job for two years now and so far my career has been stagnant. i need a change of environment and God has been good to me that's why He allowed me this new job in the same company.

Last night, Raymond, surprisingly, fetched me from work. We watched a movie for the first time. Devil Wears Prada was the chosen one.

The movie made me think of my dream job. My dream job is having my own cubicle/table, a computer, can wear clothes that I want to wear, where i can be financially stable, and those which requires analysis. I still can't think of a specific job that has all these which means that I still don't know what I really want with my life--careerwise.

That's just about it. i'm going home to watch my favorite series.