Dirty Dozen

Yesterday was the end of the two-day seminar/workshop that I attended. I'm really grateful for the privilege. I know that I will do something to make me a better server.

There is really room for improvement.

There were four groups at the seminar. The pharmacists also known as the Rainbow group (hehe...corny...pag-asa raw...sorry) the nurses as Bukang Liwayway, the participants were composed of head nurses so it's up to you to think about their ages...hehe...the social workers as the Butandings (Masaya kase Sama-Sama) so meaningful...I like... and the dieticians as the dine-a-might group. Galing umisip! I'm really glad to have met these people from the seminar. Promised myself that I won't be mistreating any of the customers be it the employees or the patients. I'll be good from now on.

After the seminar, it somehow made me depressed yet hopeful upon knowing how our patients have been struggling to get a room/bed in our place. The processes they have to go through are just so toxic! There are a lot that we can do to improve the system. All doctors, pharmacists, and nurses should know and attend the seminar workshop so they will be aware of the hardships that the patients are going through.

I think the only key not to get impatient or angry with difficult customers is to not take it personally. It's just work and we're working in an angry/problematic place where most customers are sick. It's just natural that they are not in a good mood. And we as employees/service provider can lighten up so as to share some rays of hope to these people.

When it comes to work, di bale ng mahirapan ako, wag lang magkasakit ako at ang mga mahal ko sa buhay.

Last night I went home. Raymond fetched me at the bus stop. That was so sweet of him. I was grateful and giddy.

I also talked with my Mom and she told me about my uncle who was threatening her. I was really angry upon hearing the story. That man did a lot of trouble to my family. May karma hit him now. He really deserves all the bad karma of this world.

Life is a cycle. And everything we do will affect others. And if we do something wrong, consequences have to be faced. Others may be hurt in the process and it's not their fault but life will always be a cycle. And in the end, the one responsible for that action will have to face what he has done. So whatever you have to do, know the consequences and make sure that you can go through with it. Because everything either good or bad that we do will always come back to us. Because everyone and everything in this world is connected.

And I think that it's just logical. The world may not be a perfect sphere but it is still round. Round. Cycle. Circle. Connected. No beginning and no end.

Unlimitxt

I'm letting myself feel the breeze and smelling the salty beach air since my place s very near Manila Bay. I just love summer.

I decided to keep in touch with my frineds because I was on unlimitxt. I thought of sending them forwarded messages, but knowing that that wouldn't generate any response, I thought of sending them somehting unique--a simple:

Musta na? Ano na bago?

And guess what?! People responded. Some were even surprised because they were just used to receiving forwarded meassages but not the personal message I sent them. Their responses made me feel good.

It always feels good hearing/reading from friends.

April is fast approaching. And so is the outing. However, I am kinda broke and so I am having a dilemna. As much as possible I don't want to burden others so I don't know if I should go with the outing. But I already promised my superiors that I would go. Well, I don't know. I'm leaving it all to destiny.

Maturity. I'm learning that for a few weeks now. Maturity is thinking and putting others first before yourself without really harming yourself. And surprisingly and it's just timely that my boss let me attend a two-day seminar from my workplace. The seminar is about excellent customer service. And I am learning a lot from that seminar. I am really thankful and blessed. It's the right time now to attend that. Because I'm upgrading myself when it comes to serving people. And from the seminar I can say that I am one BIG ROUGH EDGE. Everything about my service needs to be polished. I could be mean and bitchy especially when I'm tired. And so I have to work on that and foe the past few days I can say that I'm toning down. I'm becoming more positive despite everything that happens.

It's time to reflect and improve. I am really thankful. The seminar also made me want to get and MBA. I have to learn more on management because sooner or later I would manage a lot of things. I want to give my best.

I was happy also a while ago during the seminar because I got to act although my role is not really different (as a pharmacist), I still felt good acting.

Tomorrow I will go home. I miss my family. I miss him.

The Carousel

A few years ago, I've come across a book written by Richard Paul Evans. The title is The Carousel. I would have bought it that time but the book was quite expensive. And so I just looked at the book, reading the covers but never got to opening it. Something about it made me want to read it but I contented myself with the thought that it was expensive and I shouldn't buy it.

And then a few days ago, something told me to look for magazine or anything to read. I'm into Chalk Magazine right now and I'm always looking forward to buying a copy of it although the magazine is getting more expensive. And so I went to Book Sale and looked at the magazines. But there wasn't a new copy. But I was craving to read and I decided to go inside to look for books. I wanted to read as much as I can because for the past years I've deprived myself of that luxury because I was focusing on my exam. But since I am through with the exam, I have the time to read now. Anyway, I discovered a copy of the Carousel and the price was half of the original and so I bought it. True to my expectation, the book is really speaking to me. I can really relate to the book. No relationship is an island. It also encompasses the people around you. I can identify with the characters in the book. And I know I am getting good thoughts, realizations, and lessons from the book.

That experience made me believe that there is a reason for everything. And if you're meant to meet or to know something even if you never get to know or do that the first time you encounter it, if it's meant to be, time will come when you'll get to do or to know it. Reading The Carousel that few years ago was not yet the right time for me to understand what it says, my situation then was different. But now, I think now is the right time.

I now have another favorite author--Richard Paul Evans.

My thought last night before I went to sleep that brought tears to my eyes:

Am I doing it wrong? I am beginning to be happy with what I have. I may not have a lot and it sure is not perfect but I am happy. What am I missing? Am I not loving myself? Aren't anyone capable of changing for the better? If I won't give hima chance who would? We have been together for two months and as days go by I am learning to accept and love him more...

This is not where I really want to be but I can feel that this is where I should be. I've thought of the what ifs and the answers are empty. I may not understand the situation but everything happens for a reason.

Things may seem blurry and people will think I am at the losing end, but I guess it depends on me. What is wrong for others may be right for me and what is right for me may be wrong for others. In the end, I know, God will not let me be lonely or destroyed. He will always be here for me. I trust in His ways.

This morning I went with my Mom to the wake of my Lolo Carding. Another relative died. I got inspired by how much Lolo Carding and Lola Ingga loved each other. That's the kind of love I want to have for my husband, if ever I'll have one. Going there was also another chance to visit San Isidro, one of my favorite place. It being rural is great and reminds me of my childhood, the importance of dream and love for family. Comparing the views of the people there with the people in the urban is really different. They are more idealist/conservative. While the urban people are realist/liberals. I'm talking about their general views in life. I am somewhere in between. I kinda wish I were a hard core idealist/conservative but I am not. Living in Manila for more than six years have forced my mind to open up to new ideas. I've seen both sides and I decided to just be in between.

I've also watched Proof last night. I got inspired to do the best in my field. I wish I were a genius. But I am just average. I once asked my close friends on what they think is my gift and though they don't really know what they should answer, I got struck by what my one friend told me. She said I have the gift of heart. I may not have all the answers to evevrything about my field but I have the gift of heart.

I want to improve on my field. I may never be a genius but it won;t stop me from not improving on my skills. I am still alive. There is still hope. There is a reason for everything. God has a better plan for me. But I owe Him my best. This is all for the glory of Him.

I would just like to list the movies, shows, and books which inspire me to do better.

• Doctor and Prizes by Erich Segal
• Beautiful Mind
• ER
• Malcolm in the Middle
• Ice Princess
• Legally Blond
• Orange County the Movie
• Numbers
• CSI
• The Rock

If you can add to this list please do so so I can watch and read them, too. Thanks! Have a great day everyone!

Buloy

On my way home, I heard Buloy by Parokya ni Edgar. I couldn't help but remember who I was when I first heard Buloy. Buloy was the happy-go-lucky guy who put on a strong self in front of his friends. He dealed with problems thru drinking and being with friends. Until he couldn't face what the world is offering him. He declined and gave up.

I was so affected by Buloy. I don't have friends like him. But I sometimes see myself in him. Someone who try to put on a mask saying I'm strong and you can depend on me. Someone who encourage others but secretly wanting people to encourage me, too. I have long passed that stage in my life. That stage when I don't know what life is about and why I am alive. I was so angry then. God even had to create a storm that would last three days so I would just stay at home. To be with the people I love, just so I'd realize how beautiful this life is.

Months later after realizing the beauty of life, my brother and I got to listen to music together. Both of us love alternative rock especially OPM. We both love Parokya ni Edgar. We listened to Buloy. I could see my brother got affected with the song. I don't know, maybe he has a friend like Buloy. Maybe he also see Buloy in him. But I think he's a much stronger Buloy than me and Buloy himself.

Buloy still affects me today. Sometimes he could made me shed a tear. He will always be a reminder. That I've been lucky. That this life is painful but it is beautiful. That God loves me so much.

To Buloy, I wish I've met you when you were still alive. Maybe, I could do something just so you'd see how precious life is. As long as we're alive, there is hope. As long as there's God in our lives, then things will be all right.

On a lighter side, I was able to go home and spend time with my family. There has been some dramas but I don't really mind. Dramas are part of life. People need them.

Remember the woman I wrote here last year. The one that was constantly cheated and battered by her husband? Well, last year I thought she realized how evil her husband is but I was wrong. But now, I know for sure that she's free. Finally, after over 40 years of submitting to her husband, she frees herself. She is much happier now. I am so happy for her. She's enjoying life now. How's that for March? Being the woman's month and everything. It's a great gift to us. Another example of how strong women are.

As for the husband, I think his karma is now beginning. He has to learn his lessons. He's lucky he still has time. Forgiveness is a must but trust should be earned.

Oh I've also been cleared. I've been given another chance. I hope God will always guide me and give me enough strength and grace to do what I should do. This is all for Him.

Jassy

Sorry I can't think of a title. I've been trying to make some changes here in my blog. Have you noticed? And I'm going through some changes in my life. Continuous. I can never really stop myself from changing. As much as I want to be who I want to be, life can sometimes give you another path to take. It may not be the best choice, but you can be happy with it.

What is wealth, fame, and success without your peace of mind?

I can really say that I have changed. More stupid? Sometimes but I don't know. Somehow I can sense that everything will be okay.

I went back to work this morning and it was fine. I still has the hang of it. Life must go on. I've seen Apollo and all I can feel for him is not that much. I see him as a potential friend now. Anyway, people from work asked me about the exam I just took a few days ago and I didn't know how to answer them. The exam was really hard but then I'm hoping to pass it. Schedules of reports were changed and I also signed up for the outing this year. It's gonna be held in Zambales. I've never been there so I guess I'll go. I just love travelling. And I also love the beach.

My eight-day vacation (at Kim's place) is over. I'm back to issuing drugs, supplies, talking with patients, watchers, and other health personnel. But then going back to work will give me more reason to go on a diet and to get up early every morning, or every afternoon, or every night...it depends on my shift.

I've discovered a restaurant in Palanan, Makati. I think it's called Amber's. It has delicious Pansit Palabok and Pichi-Pichi.

I've also started to read a novel. It's not a popular book but I like reading it because the story is light. I want to start lightly.

I emailed someone from my past and I can still open up to him as easily as before. Although I know that it's not the same and it will never be. Still, it's good to know that I have moved on and I have forgiven him.

Asking myself now, I'm still happy.

Feeling the Breeze

My two-day exam is over. It was very hard but I'm trusting God that whatever the result is, it is His Will.

So now I can relax a little and read some books. I'm feeling happy right now although the sky is dark and it's raining a bit. I'm still stuck here in Manila though until I get cleared.

I want to stay in front of the tv the whole day. I bought some DVDs and I'm planning to watch them when I get home maybe next week.

For the past few days I've been spending time (meaning studying, reviewing, and sleeping over) at Kim's, and Faith's place. I am now fond of glancing at the doors and windows in their building, catching a glimpse of the lives of the people in there. Some are working while others are doing thesis and projects. It's always nice going up and down that building, walking the streets, and thinking, and feeling. Sometimes I feel sad, worried, regretful, afraid. But I'm leaving it all to God because I can no longer control it.

How do you love? I think I already forgot how to. Until when will you say enough? How do you know if it's right? Sometimes what you think right is wrong and what you think wrong is right.n And sometimes, only time can tell.

But I feel happy just right now. Alone. At peace with myself. I can fail. I can cry. But as long as I have peace, then I can survive, then I can face anything. The peace that comes from God. That's all I'm asking for.

Test, Trials, Exams

I want to laugh at everything. Just laugh and hopefully things will be better. I'm still in the twilight zone.

I won't give up. It's hard to accept the fact that I have disappointed a lot of people. But I won't give up. I'll stand up from this fall. As long as I'm living, then there's hope. There is another day. I'm still alive.

Issues about life is insignificant now. I only want to get my life back on track. I've picked up some daisies along the way. And God seems to give me one big job and it's messy. Will I ever get it done or will it smudge me.

God, please make me clean.

Dreaming Out Loud

I love the Philippines and I am proud to be a Filipino but it has always been my dream to travel and be outside this country. I never kept this a secret. And for the past few months I have been steps to be able to get out of the country and be in my dream country--Australia.

I have long given up Dubai. I've asked signs if deciding to pursue Australia is the right one. My great love left me because of this dream that I just could not give up. I have moved on but still my dream is still there.

A few days from now I'll be taking a major exam that will take me to my dream. And if you think everything is easy--you're wrong. Because as of now, I'm in another emotional turmoil. ButI've come a long way. I'm not backing up now.

I imagine myself exploring Australia--places in Victoria especially Melbourne, where my cousins are. I'll be living with them. I miss them already. I imagine myself trying to learn the culture of that place, learning to speak like them, adapting to their ways but not forgetting my roots. I want to broaden my horizon. I want to share myself. The place can give me a lot but I know I can give some to it, too.



I imagine taking classes, meeting people, making friends. I imagine God to be with me, telling me what I should learn from every experiences.

I imagine reading books made by Australian authors, watching Australian movies and TV shows. I imagine going to museums, parks, going to the desert and all the amazing places that that country has to offer.

I imagine my Mom arriving from the airport, finally saying to herself that her dream for me has finally come true. I imagine my brother arriving and becoming a licensed nurse there. I imagine my sister going there with us to pursue higher studies in Psychology or deciding to pursue medicine. I imagine spending time there with Raymond.

This dream will only be a dream unless I start doing something. And something I'm doing right now. Although I am in a situation wherein I find it impossible to attain this dream, I'm still not giving up. Challenges may be great. But I trust in God's will. I may have made mistakes along the way but I continue to learn from them. I've been good (most of the time), I think I deserve
my dream to come true.

I am hopeful. I am optimistic. I am asking God to help me. This is what I want for myself and for my family. But in the end, I know and I'm willing, to still follow God's will.

Start

I've just started to do the inevitable. I need to do it to be whole. I need God, my family, and friends. I just hope to survive this one.

Every point of view has another angle
And every angle has its merit
But it all comes down to faith
Thats the way I see it
You can saythat love is not divine and
You can say that life is not eternal
All we have is now
But I don't believe it
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only he can fill
Does the world seem gray with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There is something missing?
That's my point of view...

And to that one person I'm doing this for, I hope your love is that real to understand me.