Mr. 2010

I sometimes forget that Raymond reads this blog pala. This morning I was surprised to read a message from him asking if he was the one I would be marrying in 2010. Hehe...Raymond talaga oo.

I am busy these past few days. Having few resources made me limit myself to activities which would not strain my budget. And so I learned to appreciate every little blessings that come my way. And also I realize that tv is really evil.

Tv is evil. Yeah--because when I start to sit in front of it, I couldn't move anymore. I'm glued. That's why I am not able to accomplish different things. Good thing there is no tv in my boarding house--the landlady has but we are not really allowed to use it--takas lang minsan. Kaya nga from now on I will limit my tv watching. I won't open it unless I am finished with my tasks.

Anyway, is there a law against those who discriminate you just because of your weight? Please help. Thanks!

Ganito talaga kapag umeedad na...

I need to sit down, relax and reflect about my life. Right now I am confused. Things should be better right now. Maybe, I'm doing it wrong.

Sometimes I ask myself if people are happy with what they are doing and if they are happy knowing that they have caused others dreams to crash down. Can they even sleep at night? I may be a bit mataray before but I don't put other people down. I try to save their butts. And I hate it when people put someone they know in trouble rather than save them.

Oh my, my life has been becoming boring. Is this a sign of getting old? Life should be full of adventures. Anyway, I still don't know what to really do with my life--career wise. I know that I want to help my family but then when and how? Or is now just a time when I am pressured by people. It's like wherever I go people are expecting me to do things that they say I should do. I always like to think that I am free but how can I be free when I am not totally independent. Can we really be independent? I envy those people who are actually living their dreams right now. And it makes me think when I will start living my own. Maybe, I can live it right now. I just have to realize which of those is really my ultimate dream.

Seminar

Yesterday I attended another symposium of Philippine Society of Hospital Pharmacist., And it was jampacked with pharmacist all over the country. The title was Legal and Medical Considerations in the Use of Dangerous Drugs. It was held at Sulu Hotel.

Heard a lot of news these past few days about work. Anyway, I really have to do something to advance my career. I hope this year onwards, my career will attain its very best.

My former boss saw me yesterday and she commented that I gained a lot of weight--the usual comment they say to me. And she asked if I was married. I told her not yet that I would marry in 2010. Hmm...3 years from now I will be married. It does not matter who the gromm is, I will just be married by 2010.

Journal club, etc

I now know how to play billiards. Well the phone game billiards. But still, it makes me excited to finally try the actual billiards.

I am supposed to attend the dance aerobics here at work but I didn't see Maam M. so I decided not to go. Excuses. Excuses.

I attended the journal club and JN's report was great. It was very informative and very toxic. Nabigla ako dun ah. When I reported for the journal club, I saw to it that it wouldn't be as toxic but she was really brave. She reported everything she knew. Ako kase, afraid to be questioned. Next time, di na ako matatakot.

Ay naku, I heard that there are people from my area who would rotate, transferred to other areas. And Ma'am J. teased me that I would be missed. Lagot na! I'm not ready and besides, I still need my Saturday and Sunday. So I am hoping that I won't be transferred yet.

Another thing, I found out that JCG, one of the people I have everyday interaction at work, was good at making incident reports in Tagalog. Kakabilib! I did mine in english at nung di ko na mapanindigan, tinagalog ko na.

Sana Friday na.

Oilyness is next to ugliness

That's what people from work say. And so it's a problem because the centralized AC in our block is being repaired. It will be finished after 3 months. wala naman kaming pwedeng magawa. Good thing, it rained this noon. At least, the weather improved. Unlike yesterday were I really suffered from nosebleeding. Grabe, I felt like I would have to be transfused with blood. My body is still extra hot--literally because of stress, spending an awful long time under the sun, and travelling that long.

This morning I attended the baptismal of Baby James--the first born of Brent and Jhonna. Breon James Andrei is really cute and behaved. Sana when he grows up he will still be as behaved as he is now. Yun nga lang I think he's gonna be a chickboy kase his name is James.=) After the baptismal and the reception, Jessa, Jack and I watched Fantastic 4. I love the Silver Surfer. And I like the story--and the destroyer is pretty scary. Ganun ba naman kalaki--it's like a really big storm that sucks energy. I especially like the look of universe in the movie. Watch it and enjoy!

And to my Dad, wherever you are--HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

4 in the Morning

I was not able to get a straight sleep (if there is such a phrase) last night. And since, sleep has been aloof during those few hours, I listened to some music instead. And then I tuned in on one song that brought me back to the memories of last year. Memories of my new love. All I could remember these past few months are the pain I have to go through. I thought I was that sad and miserable. But you know what--I have been happy. I have been happy with him and with myself. And that really makes me feel good.

Anyway, I got this idea because of Janeca since remembering how happy I was last year just by listening to some songs, I realize that music just like scents can really be a great memory reminder. So if you are feeling down and you want to be happy again, listen to music that will remind you of happy past.

Meeting my 8 Votes

I met up with my friends last Saturday because it was Kim's birthday. she treated us at Venetto's...I'm not really sure anymore but the pasta she ordered was really great. I'm craving for that right now.

I received some bad news over the weekend--they were not exactly about me but still I was affected. And the most shocking of all (it's not really shocking because it's anticipated) was the news about the incoming wedding of my ex because he is going to be a daddy soon. Do I really have to know that? I mean, we are living separate lives now. I have my own life and he has his own. Honestly, since this is the first time this happens to me, I feel okay about the wedding because I am not into him anymore. But when I looked inside my life--wtf?! He's going to get married now and I am still stuck here...kumusta naman yun? Hehe... anyway, I just think that after all of these, great things will start coming to me. Dharma is here!

8 Votes

When I was in college, I joined a college-based organization. And I had loads of fun joining it. After a year, new sets of officers were needed and we were the next in line. And so during nominations, my friends wrote my name--out of pangttrip. They nominated me for the secretary general position and I was running against one of my block mates. I was not really expecting to win. I just did not want to have zero votes. I was not a very popular kid in school and I was running against one of the most popular girl in school. Election result came and I got 8 votes. A landslide win for my opponent. I knew where those 8 votes came from--of course from my friends--Kim, Edra, Ethel, Joret, Aliza, Shirley, and Verlein and the other vote was from me. I was touched really. That they were there for me. At least I was not humiliated. But having only 8 votes made me feel sorry for myself--at least for a while because that election proved how unpopular I was. The good thing was I was still included because I became the assistant secretary because the secgen job was really difficult. I did serve the organization but I was more of assistant vp for internals because of ethel. Hmmp! :)

I had no hard feelings against anyone. It was even one of the best moments of my college years. It was nice to be a part of something great and for me, my organization is a great organization.

But that momentary feeling of being unpopular (and hating it) came to me again brought about by the people around me these past few days. I don't exactly know why but maybe I just feel alone. And it makes me realize I am really misunderstood by most people and that the people who really knew me can be counted by at most eight or less. These past few days I think about those 8 or less people in my life. And I miss them so much. And I hope that in this lifetime, I will get to meet another 8 or less people who will really get to know and appreciate the real me.

Anyway, Gwen Stefani's 4 in the Morning is my current favorite. Too bad, that guy from the shop doesn't have that song. I like the beat and the lyrics. It makes me think why I don't really like to talk about romance these past few months. The girl in the song is obviously hurt because the guy is not giving enough for the relationship to work. She spends sleepless nights looking at the guy whom she really loves but the truth hurts. She is not really loved. The feeling of being unloved is one of the worst feelings in the world. And this feeling is kept in my brain. Loving too much is not really right for me right now. I know I've been unfair to my baby. But I know in time, I will be a better gf. I just want to think about careers and future right now. For now, I let these lines play in my head.

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It’s all over me
I’m lying here in the dark
Watching you sleep, it hurts a lot

And all I know is
You’ve got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me
I give you everything that I am
I’m handin’ over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning
And the tears are pouring
And I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we’re gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I’m safe
Don’t want to lose the love I’ve found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don’t let me down
It’s not fair how you are
I can’t be complete
Can you give me more?

Hay naku, Gwen, your lyrics touch my very core when it comes to love...just like the Cool lyrics that's why I like you.

Example

This morning there was a customer who used to be an employee in my company. She was a dietitian/aide. During her service/stay in our company she was not like by almost everyone because she wasn't giving enough food during meals making everyone feel like they were prisoners instead of employees. Madamot is the term they use to describe her. Then years later, she is back because she has to be operated (hysterectomy). And according to M.E.'s observation, other employees are asking for a payback in that they are giving her a hard time with the processes. Instead of thinking she deserves those, I even feel sorry for her. She served at that company her whole life and now that she is in need, people choose to remember her faults rather than her strenghts. Why do people have to do immature things?

Anyway, she makes me feel that I will be like her someday and I really hope I won't be treated like her. I've been nice and I am not unfair so no one has the right to mistreat me in any way. But then again, people think in different ways. But I still have faith in people.

Hey, anyone here who knows any institution or person teaching mandarin--basic lang naman. Thanks!

After a While

I chatted with a dear friend last night. It was like I was not in the mood but she found me. And she made me feel better indeed. I guess, that is what's missing in my life these days--or years--good friends whom I can talk to. Friends who will encourage me. I am thankful that I have talked with her after a long time.

So far, I have been successful with me being a nicer pharmacist. No one can tell me now that I am masungit. I know that I am not. I hope di ako makalimot. :) I think this will be for keeps. Being nice is easier than staying angry.

Have any one of you watched Battle of the Exes of Pinoy Big Brother? Kwento naman.

Hating the Sun

Fuck you Sun Cellular!

Can't Get You Out of My Head

It's sometimes nice to be focused but sometimes it hurts--especially when I am into something and for some reason, I can't get what I want. Like now for instance, Kaye, a good friend of mine told me of her plan 350 sun cellular and I've been thinking of buying a sun sim because it's expensive to go unlitxt in globe. that plan 350 would have been perfect because it comes with a phone--there are few cool phones to choose from. And so after going to quezon city this morning i went to the nearest sun shop and asked for requirements. But the requirements are hard to collect because I don't have a proof of billing. I don't pay electricity, water, phone because I'm just renting some space here in the metro. My Mom is still the breadwinner of the family. And I don't collect my payslips so I still have to wait another month for that. And I want that sony ericsson phone now! Argh!

Anyway, I passed by my workplace this afternoon and maybe I am just being sensitive but I hinted aloofness/coldness in their actions. Oh well, trabaho lang...walang personalan.

Oh well, today I've been a victim of several rudeness. I couldn't help but gave the driver the dirty finger because as I was opening the back door of the fx, he sped away. Good thing I wasn't hurt. I got back at them by calling out another fx and then refused to ride. But karma was fast because when I finally decided to ride an fx, the backseat was broken causing my legs to get crampy. And I waited for several hours at GSIS without standing up, without going to the cr, I was just sitting there. And after that I couldn't find a nearest restroom. I was on the verge of crying but then as I was crossing the QC Circle, one man was nice enough to help me cross the street. He guided me. I thought he was going to ask for payment but a simple thank you was enough for him. That was nice. Galing naman, kung sino pa yung inakala kong manloloko, siya pa palang tutulong sa akin. At yung mga taong akala ko hindi ako ib-betray, niloko ako. Anyway, God still loves me. I may be going thorugh a rough time right now but according to an article I've read, a wise person is someone who is open to things or changes that will make him/her a better person. So this will be a great challenege for me--to be nicer. If I can do this, trhen I can do everything elese.

Anyway, I also went to Megamall to taste thedoughnuts of Krispy Kreme. I entered the store looking haggard carrying an iced coffee. I knew they were thinking I was weird because of the way they look at me. But then I don't know because one of the crew there ( a cute guy...hehe...) gave me a donut--compliments of whoever...di ko na narinig masyado kase nahihiya ako. Para bang kinaawaan ang lagay na yun. But the doughnut he gave me was fine. I loved it. Ganun din yung madalas na binibigay sa amin ng Santuario but the difference was malamig na yung doughnut ng Santuario eh yun bagong luto kaya ang sarap. But I think Go Nuts and Krispy Kreme taste the same. So okay na yun. BUt still, there is something about that doughnut the crew gave me--sarap talaga. I take it back, Krispy Kreme is better. :)

Ibang klase talaga yang phone na yan, sa sobrang pagkagusto ko nun until now hindi pa ako nagugutom. Parang ayokong kumain. Only one thing can make me feel this way--kapag in love ako and the person I love does not like me back (pero pinaasa ako).

Anyway, I hope to live some more so I can enjoy that phone that i will soon have. :)