Messages

Our lives are books and each day is a page. We can’t erase what has been written, but we can make the next page better. So I put my hands up, they’re playing my song butterflies fly away. I’m nodding my head like yeah. I’m moving my hips like yeah. Because when it rains, all birds fly for shelter. But the EAGLE alone avoids the rain. By FLYING ABOVE THE CLOUDS. Problems are common to all, but ATTITUDE MAKES THE DIFFERENCE. And so WE MUST BE LIKE AN EAGLE, AND BELIEVE WE CAN FLY ABOVE THE STORM OF LIFE.

This can be done because GOD makes us brave when we are afraid, makes us strong when we are weak, but most of all, HE teaches us to hold on to HIM when things keep on falling. God has given us two gifts, one is CHOICE and the other is CHANCE. Choice is to select a good one, and chance is to have the best one. Do you get what this means? You do? Good for you because I don’t.
Most people believe that “I love you” is the best thing you can say to anybody. I have learned that “I love you, too” has a greater impact on the human heart. Anybody can say “I love you” but not everyone gets an “I love you, too”.

According to Joshua Harris (Boy Meets Girl), the right time and age to start pursuing marriage will be different for each of us. But the one thing we should all have in common is waiting until romance can be guided by WISDOM. Then we can experience the season of courtship at the right time and the right pace with a clear purpose and a clear head. This is romance at its best.

We just always have to remember that God only makes happy endings. If it’s not happy, then it’s not yet the end. If you are in a struggle, take courage for it’s not done yet. TRUST AND WAIT.

Familiar? These paragraphs come from the messages friends sent me these past few days.

The soul of being is their scent.

Last month I think, I watched this movie entitled Perfume, the Story of a Murderer. Since perfume is another obsession of mine, I was totally glued to the tube aside of course because I also love watching weird movies.

According to the murderer’s teacher, a perfume is composed of several notes. The Head creates the first impression. It’s the first scent you smell after spraying the perfume. Then there’s the Heart which is the theme of the perfume. Then there is the Base. This leaves the trail of the perfume lasting seven days. Then there is that Extra note—that one final essence that will bring out and dominate the perfume. According to him, there are 12 discovered essences but there is a legend about the 13th. It is a legend because it could never be determined.

The murderer wanted to know how to capture the smell of all things. The teacher taught him Distillation at the right temperature. I’m a bit familiar with this because we distil every now and then during my college days. But he still couldn’t capture the scent of metals, and others. After a while, he left that place to go to this place, Grass, where perfume is its forte.

There he learned enfleurage. That’s how he captured the scent—of a woman. That was how he became a murderer. But on his way there, he went to this cave; there was something about this place. He was no longer distracted with externals. He was able to bask in his own existence. After a while he has almost forgot his obsessions. He found out that he didn’t have his own scent. He feared his own oblivion. It was as if he did not exist. He must continue his journey to Grass. He wanted to be exceptional....the gods had at last began to smile at him.

After killing several young beautiful women, he finally captured the 13th scent. And it was magical—powerful. And then you have to watch the movie or read the book to know the ending.=) It is written by Patrick Suskind with the title Perfume the Story of a Murderer.

Abroad

We've spent 3 hours on the whole presentation. Instead of having a final examination, this project proposal presentation serves as our final exam. All seven of us have great ideas. Some are already being implemented, while others need some time.

That class usually ends at 9pm but this time it ended at 10pm which is logical since it started at 7pm. Anyway, one of our classmates is leaving the country and because of separation anxiety/change, I am a bit sad. I am going to miss her.

Most people I know have left the country. Good thing there are still millions of people here. But seriously, it's always sad when someone leaves. Yet I'm hoping to someday be the one to leave instead of being left behind.

No Lunch

I was nearly late for work this morning. Good thing I walked fast--semi-run to the bundy clock. My stomach feels uneasy as of the moment which is not new especially now that the presentation is about to start in a few minutes. I'm still in this office though, typing away. Should I visit the restroom first or should I wait...

I'm nervous. Please pray for me. Thanks!

Cram

It's the wee hour of the morning and I'm still up because I had to finish my report later. And then I got obsessed with fonts. Obsessed is the word because I have been looking for the font of Nova Chips package. I want to be my blog font. But I could not find it on the net. Oh well, I need to sleep now if I want to work well later.=)

Stand Up

Five years of standing while working has taken its toll on my body. My veins are shaking up inside. I think I need to wear compression stockings (if that's the term for that kind of stocking). I'm really exhausted--physically. But I couldn't stop because time is precious and I want to do all the things that i could do right now. Time is gold. That is true.

Don't worry, I'm just exhausted from too much surfing the net and playing my favorite interactive games online. This makes me lack sleep and then at work I have to stand up all day to do the rounds, reordering and other responsibilities. It's good that I'm not sedentary; however, my legs are crying out for attention. And since I've gotten big, my weight is adding up to the tension/stress.

Next Monday is the last day of this semester. Then the next week is maybe the enrollment for next semester. Then next week after is the start of 2nd sem. Life goes on.

Open

I'm a little talkative these past few days. Most of the topics I tell people are trivial. But at least I'm talking.

My free-spirited ways were cut short last year because of one mistake that broke trusts of those around me. I was truly humbled. I found myself being in gradeschool again bullied by everyone. I wanted to fight back but then what's the point...

It hurts to be in a place where you want to have friends yet people are not welcoming you in their lives. They make me afraid then defensive, then angry then sad. I am feeling sad right now. I hope I will come to accept what I cannot change. And hopefully I'll be able to open my heart to unlikely friends. I realize they could be my friends. I hope so. If my own kind does not accept me, maybe others will.

Just because

I already have that love--that gentle, understanding and kind love. The love that is worth trying and fighting for. But then, life is not that easy for me. I always have to work hard--just like in career, and love, and friends.

I don't want it to be hard. I want my life to be easy. I don't want to dwell on problems and disappointments. I want to focus on the easy stuff--on the great joys in my life--genuine, unsolicited love. I will always do my best. I deserve the best.

Life should be all smiles--smiles of gratitude and excitement.

I am thankful for friends from around the world because they give me ideas of what goes on that part of the world. I hope I'll have many more friends from around the world.

Will

Will I ever get married?
Will my dreams come true?
Will I ever have kids?
I wonder if God will let me be normal like others.

I don't want to be a burden anymore.
I want to be useful.
To this country.
To my family.
To my friends.
To the one I love.
To God.

Wavy

Manila Bay--Baywalk has always been a positive place for me. It's not even happy, it's more of hopeful place for me. Whenever I go there, hope fills me.

With the turnout of events, I found myself worried and to take my mind off it, I went there. It was the first time that I've seen Manila Bay so angry. Big waves ran towards the concrete seats that served as barrier. Sprays of water getting on my face and blurring my eyeglasses. Waves so hyper, and happy but scary at the same time. The gray water looked even darker. I should have felt worse but it continued to give me hope.

Locals kept on looking at me, maybe wondering why I was alone and if I could be a target and so to avoid them, I left a few minutes later. I took the Faura way because I already know the streets of Malate. This time I wanted to explore Ermita. And I discovered Pan de Pugon, a bakeshop where it sells pandesal all day long, not just in the mornings.

After going to my neighbor mall, I decided to head to my dorm. Another thing happened. But as always, life should go on.

Clinical Pharmacy in the Philippines

Motivated. That's what I'm feeling right now. Motivated for pharmacy profession--particularly Clinical Pharmacy.

Filipinos have wrong notion of the pharmacy profession. Many think that we are just "tindera" or saleslady of drugs. I used to think so, too. But I was so wrong.

Pharmacy is a very vast area. Pharmacists can go to the academe, clinical, hospital, industrial, business, medical (pre-med), law, research, and others. Right now the trend is geared towards Clinical Pharmacy.

Clinical pharmacists are having a hard time to be acknowledged by other health professionals. They think we are a threat to them. They don't know that we are part of the team--of the healthcare team. As drug experts, other members can ask us about the medications of the patients.

When it comes to drugs, we are the ones people should look for.

I have several project proposals in mind. Hopefully, by the end of the year I could show them to my colleagues and supervisor.

Dr. Syed is right. We have to dream BIG but start small. One step at a time and before we know it, we have achieved all our goals.

1.3

After 1 year and 3 months, he’s still kind and patient over me. He’s still the gentle guy I’ve known. So after few days of not being in good terms, I decided to just look at the bright side of things and it gets better. It feels good to see his smile again. Last night I was craving for a lasagna but he was craving for an ice cream. So as peace offering I let him get his ice cream. But today, it’s my turn. We went to the spaghetti house and ordered the Classic Lasagna. We were not expecting the serving to be big, but it was big. I had a hard time eating the whole plate of lasagna. We even wondered why the serving was big and we guessed that the cook must be happy tonight because all the servings were big.

Oh, on our way to the 3rd floor, I saw Vice Ganda, the comedian eating at Pho something at the 2nd floor, coincidentally one of E’s mountain-mate if there is such a word, talked with him. Vice Ganda looked at E. I was so flattered. Gays look at E. He was not raising his eyebrow (Vice), he was even smiling so he must be thinking positively of E.

Today was also spent inside the college for the seminar workshop on Clinical Pharmacy Education. I’ve learned a lot from this seminar. I know I could use the lectures for the following semesters.

Everyday Adventures 2

October 14 was spent online, studying for the exam tomorrow and finally meeting halfway with E. One at a time--I really can't deal with all of these simultaneously. Things will happen at the right time.

In just a few hours, I have to gobble up lessons in management. I'm pretty sure our Prof would give essay questions, I just hope he wouldn't have to ask for specific theories or something.

Anyway, the sky was continually dark this afternoon. For a while I thought something like Ondoy's wrath would happen again. I nearly went back to the boarding house, but I couldn't just turn back. Luckily, PGH was not yet flooded.

I realized today that I am cranky when hungry. I guess everyone is. So food businesses should be quick in serving their customers. I hope not to be cranky again.

Coffee with Joyce

October 13 is special because I spent time with Joyce. We talked about life--my most favorite topic.=)

It gave me a lot of things to think about. I was able to get in touch with myself--of what I really want in life. And I know that it's not going to be easy but it's a process. And there is always an end to that process. After that, maybe I'll get what I really want.

New mantra in life...new hopes and dreams.

Sitting there outside Starbucks is like looking at a picture--it's kinda safe there as compared to Manila. The Starbucks is in Makati, and anyway, Makati is like an escape from reality=) So I got to escape for just a while and reflect.

I've posted my new mantra on facebook, but I want to write that here again, before I always think of myself as the DREAM GIRL, call me feeling-era...but being a dream girl is not really okay because that means, guys can never really have me...that I'm just a dream for them. I want someone of course, therefore I'm changing my thought to being THE ONE. I'm that someone to somebody. I'm turning 28 in a few months time and I want to settle down by then.

Caught

The reality of my decision is catching up on me. I don't want this feeling but i know that this doesn't go away. I can choose to ignore it but it will still be there.

I'm having my QLC. At 27 what have I accomplished? If I die today what can I tell God? What have I done with my life?

I have so many heartaches, frustrations but I feel hopeful. Great things can still happen. I'm still alive. I can do something.

I know that in due time, all my dreams will come true because I'm ready for them.

Letting It Out

It's frustrating not to be recognized. You know you can give a lot and do a lot. But you have to prove yourself first. A lot can be done here in the Philippines. Maybe that's why I am still here. Oh until when?

Based on a case, stress can cause weight gain because of hypercortisolism. I hope my weight gain is not the cause of stress.

I need my friends but where are they? They continue to ignore me. I have no new friends and it makes me sad.

I need a new outlet. Blogging has helped a lot but I can try a new hobby.

Enjoyable part time jobs...where can I find one?

<3

If you have one person who thinks you're great and loves you for who you are, then you are definitely lucky.

Random

It's getting late and I'm still not finished with my assignment for tomorrow. Days go by so fast and in just a few hours, it will be Monday, that means a very long day--work and school.

Anyway, I spent my off-duty days doing some stuff which I hope will help me be at ease with life. I also watched movies--my most favorite stress buster. I tried dancing but I felt so heavy. I just warmed up a bit then somehow forgot that I was supposed to exercise.

I had a great time with my niece. She's just so lovable. She knows how to be cute at her age (1y7mos). I can't wait for my next off-duties so I can see her again.